One day a couple of months ago during a family meeting I asked an honest question of my kids. "How did they perceive me?" And then I asked my Knight In Shining Armor if that fit with who I was. How my kids saw me was no where near the truth of my core. Why was it not shining through? I did some soul searching and realized this parenting thing is way harder than I ever expected. Parenting a special needs child can suck the rug right out from under you. I realized I needed to uncover that deep core and let it shine but how? Shortly afterward an opportunity arose to make a prop and boom it happened.
My daughter has been active in a local ballet school. I'm really just along for the ride so to speak get it ride... as in Mom I need a ride... ok anyway all kidding aside I found that I love playing with the crowd at her ballet school. One mom described me as a kid in a candy store.
You know she was right, I loved everything I got to do for them. I found an awesome website on paper mache. I got plenty of tips, tricks and encouragement for building the full size bell for the show. You should go check it out.
I re-ignited my love for sculpting and all things back stage. I found my joy again as I played in gooey Paper Mache with my daughter by my side, laughing, singing and creating. (and making messes... I love making messes. Thank you dear hubby for just putting up with it for the duration.) The best bit was this technique has so much toilet paper in it (clean not used) and that aspect just kept making me laugh and laugh and laugh. She got to see glimpses of the person her father married. That person has been in hiding, living under layers of guilt, obedience and fatigue. Things like sculpting and quilting they bring me joy and peace they fill up my joy tankard and I have more joy to spread around to those near me. I'm so thankful I stepped out and said yes to this project.