Monday, February 23, 2015

Did You Notice?

That old saying the shoemakers kids never have shoes is true of web developer wives. For years my hubby has been talking about shifting my blog to Wordpress, getting me monetized as in adding a button for our missionary support, as well as a few other things web related. He was home sick last month with a nasty cold I think he caught it from Mr. Coughy sitting next to him on the plane. I casually mentioned my MIA button and the next thing I know he's asking me what my blog log in is. Huh what who where?  Ta da! its on my side bar!

So I have officially given you the means to get a tax deduction :-) click the link and support this missionary mama! We do need more support. The move too the ACA has kinda killed our current budget. I'm grateful for health care, but the costs are spinning out of control.  Until it stabilizes our input is less than our output. ick! Any and all support is welcome! Do remember our support is raised separately from donations given to the field. 100% of donations given to the field go there, not here.  I really was attracted GFA in the first place because of that integrity, and the fact they had woman missionaries.  

Big XOXOX to my Knight in Shining Armor for making a button 
Love ya baby! 

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Mom's Grounded...

I've been using a new tool in my parenting tool box. It's a modified time-in... I call it Mom Grounded... because it feels like I'm the one being grounded ha ha ha ha. But seriously folks it's been working amazingly well.  It is similar to the Time-in model where when you are not connecting with your child, so you wait for them to calm down, feed them, water them, then talk to them... In the teen years I'm not finding this as effective, she can sit on that couch for hours if need be.

Instead of grounding her to her room, or the house, or taking away her iPod, I "Mom Ground" the teen. This means they need to spend all their time with me, doing what I'm doing, after their chores and schoolwork is finished.  It's not easy, as you the parent have to also spend all this extra time with your teen. On the other hand hey you get to spend a lot of time with your teenager.  

What I have discovered while implementing this discipline:
The teen eventually stops being mad about it...
get their work done faster because you are on hand to help.
actually don't complain when you decide to watch a Nova or a Nature because hey the T.V. is ON whoo hoo! 
help you do your work kind of like how a cat helps, but hey they are helping.
and while you are both sitting doing the mundane tasks of housework about 3 hours in... they start to talk.

They talk about their friends and their struggles, they ask your advice, they ask embarrassing (to them) questions, they find out funny things about you and laugh. Best of all you both remember how much you love one another.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Communication Key to Your...

My Knight in Shining Armor and I were required to read "Communication Key to Your Marriage" as part of our pre-marrital counseling.  At this point in my life I could not tell you details of the book  it was a dry read if I recall it correctly.  Yet the main key issue "You need to communicate every day!" still shines though.  Every once in a while I look at hubby and say "Communication Key To Your Marriage."  my eyes glint as I say it.  We always laugh because it's usually when we are not communicating well.  It is a reset button for us. It can stop an argument Ahem I mean a discussion in it's tracks.

As I'm pondering the book Smart Trust I find truly, that communication is the key to relationships. I find it interesting that all the podcasts from Jon Acuff I'm randomly picking all boil down to communication. I'm wondering what God is trying to tell me.  

One of Karyn Purvis's key elements in parenting children from hard places is called giving voice.
Dave Ramsey's says a symptom that leads to divorce is not feeling heard.
Stephen Covey talks about listening with your gut.
Dr. Siegel spends a chapter on attachment styles, and you can see the clear thread that runs through them all - communication leads to the best relationships.

I find it interesting that in our training they pointed out neglect does far more damage to a child's development and future as a functioning adult than abuse. Abuse at the very least sends a message of "You have value."  Where as adoptive parents tend to think a neglected child who did not suffer pain of the body will have fewer issues. Yet the message a neglected child feels is "You are of no value."   Neither abuse or neglect should be praised in anyway they are both terrible things that take the right mix of love parenting and occasionally therapy to overcome. 

To me a lack of communication in a relationship is a form of neglect and it will always cause issues.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

I Hate The Internet

Sweet Potato stood there proclaiming "I hate the internet."
Putting on my concerned mom hat I replied "ok sweetie when the man repairs it I won't make you have it again." What sweet words she hates the internet she can stop being a texting zombie!!! whoo hoo (joking). Minor flare of temper later she explained she hates that the internet is down and "My life is OVER! I'm dying" Amazing she is still able to speak through the death nell, maybe she is a zombie. 

I said all joking aside this is an opportunity to draw that poster you wanted to make, read a book, play with someone... I sat and watched more teen drama. I suggested she write a note to her friend (the original texting... a letter) I got more teen drama about not being able to open mailboxes.

So I apologized for being a terrible mom,  ;-) I mean really I must stink at this parenting thing if her life is over because she can't text. I have allowed her to become an "entertain me" child.  She is unable to entertain herself without an electronic device in her hands.  Her reaction was priceless.

Of course if she stepped 10 yards outside she can text from our neighbors wifi that he is generously sharing with us during this media crisis. Should I remind her... or shouldn't I... oh well when I get permission to post this blog the cat will be out of the bag...