One day a couple of months ago during a family meeting I asked an honest question of my kids. "How did they perceive me?" And then I asked my Knight In Shining Armor if that fit with who I was. How my kids saw me was no where near the truth of my core. Why was it not shining through? I did some soul searching and realized this parenting thing is way harder than I ever expected. Parenting a special needs child can suck the rug right out from under you. I realized I needed to uncover that deep core and let it shine but how? Shortly afterward an opportunity arose to make a prop and boom it happened.
My daughter has been active in a local ballet school. I'm really just along for the ride so to speak get it ride... as in Mom I need a ride... ok anyway all kidding aside I found that I love playing with the crowd at her ballet school. One mom described me as a kid in a candy store.
You know she was right, I loved everything I got to do for them. I found an awesome website on paper mache. I got plenty of tips, tricks and encouragement for building the full size bell for the show. You should go check it out.
I re-ignited my love for sculpting and all things back stage. I found my joy again as I played in gooey Paper Mache with my daughter by my side, laughing, singing and creating. (and making messes... I love making messes. Thank you dear hubby for just putting up with it for the duration.) The best bit was this technique has so much toilet paper in it (clean not used) and that aspect just kept making me laugh and laugh and laugh. She got to see glimpses of the person her father married. That person has been in hiding, living under layers of guilt, obedience and fatigue. Things like sculpting and quilting they bring me joy and peace they fill up my joy tankard and I have more joy to spread around to those near me. I'm so thankful I stepped out and said yes to this project.
Monday, June 19, 2017
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
I had a great conversation with my kids today, we talked about society's rules and how "adult rules" are different from T33N$ Rülz. They told me to spell it that way.
So for your perusal I present to you the rules for teen society today, as my teens explained it to me. They are not endorsing these to be the rules they follow, just ones they have observed. We did have great conversation about how impossible and contradictory they are. We also chatted about how they make you fit in a box in a time of your life your supposed to be exploring your strengths and figuring out what makes you tick yet teen society makes you do it with-in an "impossible and contradictory" set of peer pressurized rules.
You need to have sex early (by age 13).
If you have sex early you are a slut.
Don't die a virgin.
Don't tell your parents ANYTHING.
Don't tell your parents the truth, if you do tell your parents the truth, there is something wrong with you.
Close friends call and text each other, everyone else you text.
You need a boyfriend (BF)/Girlfriend (GF), PERIOD! You can't NOT have a BF/GF.
If you break up with your BF/GF you only have a week to recover, then you need to find a new one.
Feminism rocks, your Husband/BF has to respect you, but you don't have to respect them. If you do it make you weak. You can respect him "in private" but not "in public."
You can lie about your friends as long as they don't find out, but they always find out.
You are not "cool" if you don't have a phone.
You have to be on social media.
You can text at any time of the day.
If you don't get a text back it means they hate you... unless they are busy... but really it's because they hate you.
Don't break up over text its rude.
If you show to much skin you are a slut.
If you don't show enough skin you are a nun.
If you are a boy and you stare at my body you are being disrespectful, I'm a girl and I can express myself in what I wear. To tell me I look like "Fill in blank here" is "fill in blank" shaming me.
If you are not smart enough you are a "blonde."
If you are really smart you are a "know it all."
It's best to be numb/indifferent in general.
If you are male and you are kind and like art and ballet you know classy stuff you are "gay." But you can't use gay as a negative thing if your around gay people.
If you have chores your parents are weird/crazy/strict.
If you have chores, you have to act as if you don't.
You can talk trash about people and swear at people but you can't use words like "white, black hispanic," that's rude.
You can't make blonde jokes.
You need to be supportive about homosexuality and transgenderism.
Break the Rules
We discussed how pop culture and teens created these rules. They noticed how very few of them translate to adulthood. Ditch the drama kids. You will survive and reach adulthood.
Monday, February 27, 2017
I picked a restaurant I knew in the area, and set off to drive by the location of my friends appointment. Only God could have known that it would be across the street from the restaurant I wanted to go to. I call that the fingerprints of my Jesus.
Hard benches, howling infants, wood grain in mahogany finish, seals, and flags filled my senses. This place of dread to some, of hope to some, of safety they never have know before to some. A terrible but necessary place. Humanity Oh how God must weep over us.
My mind kept turning on Ecclesiasties chapter 3. How for every action under heaven there is an equal and opposite action. When we weep, we also laugh, when we tear down, we also build up. Such words of wisdom to give us balance in an uncertain world. This place filled with humans of all sizes, compassionate to numb, to giving, to lost, to helpless, to caring, to hopeless, to rejoicing, all these sizes of humanity slip through these doors. Only a just God can redeem each and every situation.
Waiting in the foyer I realized she's a CASA volunteer, that one is a social worker, Oh look a lawyer, there is foster parent who cares. It was as if someone had written name tags with a big black sharpie. Body language is so revealing. I was out of place, in this place. Where once I thought it held the future of my children... it stuck me so powerfully; oh Dear Lord it holds the future of so many children. I could do nothing but pray as the day ticked by.
Eventually I arose from my seat and hugged my friend. In bittersweetness we walked out into the sunshine and knew this was the day the Lord had made. We decided we needed some detox time before we hopped in the car for the ride home. We headed back to the restaurant a bird singing his heart out above our heads, reminded us once again of the joy of Life. Isn't it amazing how a glass of sweet tea or a cup of coffee with cream, can give such comfort. It is good to find comfort in everyday things because Life (with a capitol L) is difficult, as well as Joyful. It was a hard day, full of good gifts.