Life: A Hard Day, Full of Good Gifts

I picked a restaurant I knew in the area, and set off to drive by the location of my friends appointment.  Only God could have known that it would be across the street from the restaurant I wanted to go to. I call that the fingerprints of my Jesus.  

Hard benches, howling infants, wood grain in mahogany finish, seals, and flags filled my senses. This place of dread to some, of hope to some, of safety they never have know before to some.  A terrible but necessary place. Humanity Oh how God must weep over us. 

My mind kept turning on Ecclesiasties chapter 3.  How for every action under heaven there is an equal and opposite action. When we weep, we also laugh, when we tear down, we also build up. Such words of wisdom to give us balance in an uncertain world. This place filled with humans of all sizes, compassionate to numb, to giving, to lost, to helpless, to caring, to hopeless, to rejoicing, all these sizes of humanity slip through these doors. Only a just God can redeem each and every situation. 

Waiting in the foyer I realized she's a CASA volunteer, that one is a social worker, Oh look a lawyer, there is foster parent who cares.  It was as if someone had written name tags with a big black sharpie. Body language is so revealing.  I was out of place, in this place. Where once I thought it held the future of my children... it stuck me so powerfully; oh Dear Lord it holds the future of so many children. I could do nothing but pray as the day ticked by. 

Eventually I arose from my seat and hugged my friend.  In bittersweetness we walked out into the sunshine and knew this was the day the Lord had made. We decided we needed some detox time before we hopped in the car for the ride home. We headed back to the restaurant a bird singing his heart out above our heads, reminded us once again of the joy of Life. Isn't it amazing how a glass of sweet tea or a cup of coffee with cream, can give such comfort. It is good to find comfort in everyday things because Life (with a capitol L) is difficult, as well as Joyful.  It was a hard day, full of good gifts. 

OH one of THOSE days

Today was pretty good over all but  Sweet Potato was a bit of a bitter pill, and in fact has been just icky lately. She finished her school books last week for 5th grade (just not math) and I told her we would start on 6th in about 2 weeks. Now her sister finished the first week of May, and we had sundae's and a movie. Gotta love that new Almond dream frozen Ice cream like stuff So Sweet Potato could participate in that. 

Now for the last week I've been on bed rest,  Saturday I managed to get to the Holt Adoptee picnic and last the whole time, after which I retired to my cushie bed and fell asleep most of the rest of the day. Sunday I managed to make Church, nap and go to a quiet get together with friends where I basically sat and listened to a sweet 20 something. Oh was I ever that young?  My my my... So since I have been on bed rest I figured the girls would pitch in and help. Last week the girls did do some work but left the majority of it to their father.  I thought I had them better trained than that. I'm finding evidence of slacking everywhere today now that I'm not totally comatose. 

Icky Additude examples:

Mom finds all the hard boiled eggs needed for Picnic are barely soft boiled... Mom knows she gave clear instructions. Child even checked with Mom when water was not boiling to makes sure it wasn't really boiling... then went and turned off the water so it wouldn't boil. Because she wanted them to fail. Her heart at that time:  Mom is faking needing to lie down and should do her own work and I don't care or feel like doing her work.  Yup I faked almost blacking out and asked you to finish this terribly hard job of boiling water, my idea of a good time is being asleep all day. 

Oh how bout me trying to encourage friendships. "I know honi not a lot of people call you for play dates why not call some one and invite them over here." 

Instead of calling and making a plan she calls 5 minutes before she wants to play, In which her friend says No sorry I have plans for "Right Now"  or makes a play date without checking in with mom, and has to send her friend home because its just not working out for us at that time because she knew it was a bad time for mom. Seriously she knew! before hand! I got the reason out of her today your gonna love this "Because I'm not a good friend and I don't want to make it work, or act normal."  Well at least she got the whole marching to the tune of her own drummer thing down. 

Today I find that for the last week Sweet Potato has been purposely putting things in the wrong place... this is her idea of fun... The hiding got so bad last year I had to make a rule: I find "it" any "it your directly responsible for" in the wrong place, you loose a token... You don't want to loose all your tokens (3). I gave her grace I found 5 "it's" in the wrong place all at once and only took 1 token because she was down 1 already...

Yesterday while I was taking a walk.. well I wouldn't call it a walk more like a saunter mixed in with a stroll,  around the block trying the whole "side hug" "low body language" "ideal parenting thing" of walking and talking with her while she was in a snit.  It WORKED! The reason she was displaying classic maudlin teenage  behavior is *drum roll please* 

We weren't there for her GRADUATION CEREMONY.  

Aren't we horrible bad terrible parents OH MY! Ya know she home schooled I didn't know we did ceremonies for catching up in the summer because you are behind. Oh wait did I say that out loud... noo just in my blog.  OH do read on... read on... 

You see 3 weeks ago we started attending Irving Bible Church because they have programs for special needs kiddos, and purposefully minister to adoptive parents. So we thought we'd give it a go to see if it would be a fit for us. Maybe our kids would feel more comfortable because they would be one of a crowd of adopted kids...   So Sweet Potato was put in the wrong class the first week. She was properly placed in the 5th grade class the second week... and the third week she GRADUATED FROM HER SUNDAY SCHOOL! Wow woo hoooo amazing *can you hear the one hand clapping alone?*  it's a very zen moment.   

Yup she in a all day chip on her shoulder snit, because we were one of the many parents that didn't attend the 5th grade Sunday school graduation. It was described to me by the Children's Ministry guy as "We pray over them as a big group."   Not one word about parents can come and participate... last week her teacher said "Oh she did great!" not one word about "Hey don't forget to attend the class next week because your kid is graduating." And oh yes only a handful of parents came, arn't we Just awful parents leaving her alone and NOT COMING... Oh the drama of it all. Man it sounds like my 13 year old diary reads, Ahh now you know the real reason I never journaled as a kid. I'd reread my diary and say ugh that's just awful! I wrote that eeew... 

Talking to my Mom today she was giggling over the "drama" saying don't worry she will turn into a fine young lady when she is 16.  WOW mom I'm totally holding you to that!!! 

Don't forget my Reusable Grocery Bag give away is still going on 

http://gardenforsara.blogspot.com/2012/05/chicken-give-away-hey-free-stuff.html 

face book shares off of my page count too :-) as long as YOU share Xiaoyun's story and I can track back to you and find you so I can ship it, is all that is needed to enter. :-) 

I.D.E.A.L Parenting Baby Steps

Wednesday I really chose to pick my battles. Sweet Potato had yet another Doctor appointment. Yippie we get to go to the ENT weeeeeeeeee!!!  This was supposed to be a routine check up a just to make sure nothing is infected and her ears are clear of thick nasty fluid.  NOT!

Before we went the kids were reenacting songs from the Broadway Musical Cats. Little Miss Sunshine made cat tails "Like we did in China mom!."  Sweet Potato really does an excellent job of acting cat like. She can really emote feline.  So were 20 minutes to take off (leaving for the doctor) and the child is still in cat outfit.  I ask myself; is it modest?  check  Do I care that she is wearing a tail? nope Should I make her go out in public dressed properly? NAAAAAA.  I went out to my garden and checked on my peas and there were little leaves sprouting yeah!

I came back in unaware that in those few minutes Daddy picked that battle. And since she is a well trained child she said "Yes Dad" and took off her tail...  But sad to say her heart wasn't in the right place after that.  She used her actions to show her resentment.

13 minutes later I'm doing the last call shoes purses lets go to the ENT yippie! (they always have stickers and lollipops.) Can you believe it Sweet potato is changing her outfit... OH NO! this will take Forever (say it with a valley girl accent for proper effect).  Yup we were late to the Doctor and had to wait extra long.  Daddy was not a happy camper as we waved good bye 10 minutes later.

I took a longer view... its not my appointment its hers if she wanted to be on time she would have been. She is very smart when it comes to things like this. But what I do know is Dad + Late = Disrespect.  Then it all comes out at dinner. She was mad and wanted everyone else to be mad too. So the whole I have to Change  2 minutes before we have to leave was so on purpose!  Why?? because she couldn't wear the tail... Oh the Drama of it all *giggle* I just want you to all know I totally deserve and love this child :-) 

This was an excellent opportunity to use a redo, ask for a compromise, and talk about why we use our words not our actions to tell how we feel. Not a day I'd say we as parents "won" but a good day in practicing the pieces. As a step in our journey I'd say one of us stumbled and the other caught them. Marriage should be like that :-) Next time It will be my turn to fall down.

Remembering Grandma

This weekend we cleaned out the garage. Found lots of junk the girls had saved. I opened a tote and found a bunch of art I had done in college, the girls were amazed.. Mom you drew that??? Oh my where have my creative juices gone. We also found photos of my grandma and grandpa on my mom's side.  This always triggers Little Miss Sunshine into asking 100 questions about our family. She is very focused on knowing everything there is to know about family.

Hubby found an interview I had done of my Grandmother in 1998. Back then I  read an article on how to do this and I decided hey what a great IDEA! She was in her 80's (I think) and still very lucid.  I didn't realize at the time of the interview, all those long pauses... like when she mentioned a step father.. she gazes off into space and you can see she is editing. Nope won't say that, nope can't say that, nope won't talk about that pain.
So If you haven't interviewed your grand parents, great Aunts and Uncles, I highly recommend it. After grandma died, my father admitted to me he thought the whole interview was kinda silly at the time. But now he realizes how much information she gave.  Every time she mentioned a name she spelled it, places and people, we carry our history around with us in our head. If we never get it out of our heads it dies with us. 

Her history is pretty traumatic, her dad dies when she is 5 (run over by bootleggers). She had 9 siblings and was pulled out of school at age 16 so she could help pay the families bills with her work. Working 11-12 hour days! Didn't go to school till she was 7, which later I put 2 pieces of the puzzle together and realize from age 5-7 she was in charge of the family cow Bossie and she peddled the milk up and down the neighborhood. Mom eventually gets remarried and then the family story gets very sketchy. She said very little about her step father and what she did say was "None of us kids liked him, and we paid him to go away after mom died."  Speaks volumes doesn't it? 

My kids were of course floored, all those long hours of work, not being able to finish school because food needed to be paid for. Only getting paid 1$ a day, and she got 7$ a week which means she worked 7 days a week. I think some of it must have sunk in because on Saturday when they were given their payment for chores, both girls contributed to the "new to us car fund."  A much better use for their money than stick on nail polish. 

My grandma went to Catholic School where the nuns were "strict" and she learned to read, write, and do arithmetic. That opened up her ability to work and do far more jobs than if she had never learned to read.  My grandma was not ignorant, and she lived a good long life.  I would have never known my grandma didn't finish high school if she hadn't told me. She was an elegant woman with a whole lot of class.