Friday, May 16, 2014

Up To My Ears In Paperwork

Oh my I'm just up to my ears in paperwork, moving always motivates me to shred all this paper we have... Yet So much of it is actually irreplaceable. You know things like certificates you know how important those are... I bet your thinking star student certificates.. no I'm talking about certificates of adoption, citizenship etc.

When I first adopted I would lament Oh its so much paper work why can't they make it easier. Yet with every change and new adoption the paper work gets bigger. It reminds me of windows... its not a bug it's a feature, and really you do need all that code to make it work.

This time the new event is TB testing all the kids in this family. OH MY!!!
Sweet Potato never used to be afraid of needles but ever since her sister came home and was afraid of needles she picked it up for fun. Good Times... One day she heard me on the phone discussing the possibility of a pin prick and freaked out for the rest of the day. I had to put on my counselor hat and talk her down off the wall.

So I took her to the pediatrician to get her test placed. They don't have any... nor can I buy a vial and let hem keep it. They send me to the health department. I think well lets call the free clinic first and ASK before I drive for 25 minutes... 10 minutes on hold I get a very nice a man, Do they do TB tests Yes! canI get them for my kids... NO!!!  (You have insurance!) Great.... But my doctor sent me to you to get tests placed. I need them for a foster care adoption... he puts me on hold... when he comes back he has his supervisor who said YES! since you are doing this to become adoptive parents we can place the tests for you... But You will have to call back next week as we are out of TB stuff. So Ultimately it's a NO.... later as I'm driving past my family doctor (Do you know about family doctors they are so cool, I could in theory take all of us to him since he's not a GP he's a Family Doctor). So I park and walk in talk to someone, I get Nikki... I love this lady! I explain my dilemma and she solves it... the computers were down so I had to call back to get appointments but they can place the tests.

They placed the tests altho one of my children needed 4 people to help her hold still. I brought the ice to numb the area, told her to cough when they place the test, asked her to look away so she wouldn't be so frightened. Nope... screaming was heard by all... funny thing is the nurse couldn't place it while she was freaking. She finally looked away, and stopped screaming, then the nurse placed the test. She's now finished, when she looked back she asked, when they are you going to do it? She was told she was done!  and yup you guessed it, she started screaming again...  Luckily she was already in my arms and I was prepared Thanks Karyn Purvis... I had her favorite sweet thing to drink and cookies...

Does holding her tight during the procedure qualify as structure, and feeding her after she had an massive dose of adrenals qualify as nurture??? I wonder...

Everything else went off without a hitch, the non screamer got her soda at home. ;-)

Test reading day rolls around and as per my kids doctors instructions I show up sans appointment for him to read the TB tests, he's not there... can you believe it... He's NOT THERE... Now I have nurses playing CYA... So Back to Nikki I go! She saves the day again and pops me in the system, lets the nurse read the tests and I now am holding in my hot little hands TB test results. Whoo hoo now on to step 2 putting the house on the market, which involves...  yup you guessed it MORE Paperwork..

Monday, May 12, 2014

On Mothers Day... I would rather go camping.

Mothers Day also corresponds to the same day I got to meet Sweet Potato. A huge thrill for me, :-)  it was Monday in India and Mothers day in the states. How exciting!!!

A dozen years later I still find my self wishing I were camping on Mothers Day.  In TX the weather is fantasic and not too many bugs.  The kids are happy and lots of freedom to explore and plenty of down time and quiet time and campy distractions to keep their minds occupied.

Holidays are just not really that fun in our house. I always wanted to be the Mom that decorated for each holiday, Shamrocks in March,  Hearts in Feburary etc.. I soon learned to greet holidays with trepidation. Holidays bring about thoughts of family and fun. At the same time they bring about thoughts of loss and grief.  My minds often boggles at the brains ability to handle duelisms.  I wonder how much at war are my children's minds on holidays? Experiencing happiness and joy to suddenly be ambushed by guilt and grief a few minutes later. How do they do it, and I often wonder what should my expectations be on their abilities to handle it.

This Moms day I planned a day of fun because gotcha day is often celebrated too. The mall for Sweet Potato and a game night (for the rest of us.) I had hoped the fun of the day would help keep her mood sweet. Yet through out the day her behavior was... shall we say... not so hot. My hubby even noticed! Even tho I was doing the high nurture, high structure, making compromises, saying yes, she was just not co-operating.  Looking back I realized we made a few mistakes today.  We ALL should NOT have gone to the mall. It should have been her alone with just one parent. Letting her revel in shopping is fine, but the whole family ended up getting annoyed with the time it takes for her to buy one shirt. I swear she tried on half the store. I think we gave her to big of an audience and to much choice.

Daddy should not have agreed to her napping while all the chores and party prep were being done.  When we don't give her work to do we are in-part saying "Hey you're a guest not a family member." The sly puss when given a pretty easy chore of putting away a few bags of party groceries just before the guest were due to arrive, actually disagreed with me for 10 minutes about where to put away the heavy whipping cream... Did you know all dairy products belong in the cupboard!!! Ya I'm not buying what your selling.   I kept asking her to: "Try it again cupcake." "Can you say that in a respectful tone of voice?"  Eventually I just resorted to asking her to say "Mom ya caught me being smarmy."  *sigh*  Then the carton finally got put in the fridge. with that quirky grin of hers. 

A late bed time became even later when she informed me of some things she was missing. So off to the pharmacy we went... When we got home she had a sensory melt down.  After we resolved the sensory thing. She got ready for bed. I came in to check on her and found her now gleefully using the things she just had a melt down over, looking up at me with a now guilt ridden look on her face while her mouth was insisting it was still a big bad awful sensory experience.  I just praised her "Woo hoo look at you overcome that fear! Thank you for trying, your doing a great job."
(She got so mad at me. I totally know why too :-P  afterwards when I was sharing the scenario with hubby I had to run the water so she didn't hear my peals of giggling.)

The original sensory issue could have totally been real, and now a few minutes later when her Fontal Lobe was no longer hijacked by her Amygdala, she could handle it. So I cuddled her, and after a few words I asked a simple question. "So if you played with that when I wasn't here does that mean you win and I lose?"
She said "Yes..."
"So catching you at it does that mean I get a point?"
She said "Yes." (I was this child... figuring this one out was so easy.... I just thought what would my teen brain be doing).
I held her tight and said "Oh honi if you over come this issue it's a win for you, and to set the record straight I can't win or loose in this game your playing because we'll honi I'm not."
She was confused "Not what?"
"I'm not playing your game." I replied as I kissed her and sent her off to brush her pearly whites.

But I realized the first thing I did totally wrong was:  I should have insisted on Breakfast IN Bed.