Monday, May 12, 2014

On Mothers Day... I would rather go camping.

Mothers Day also corresponds to the same day I got to meet Sweet Potato. A huge thrill for me, :-)  it was Monday in India and Mothers day in the states. How exciting!!!

A dozen years later I still find my self wishing I were camping on Mothers Day.  In TX the weather is fantasic and not too many bugs.  The kids are happy and lots of freedom to explore and plenty of down time and quiet time and campy distractions to keep their minds occupied.

Holidays are just not really that fun in our house. I always wanted to be the Mom that decorated for each holiday, Shamrocks in March,  Hearts in Feburary etc.. I soon learned to greet holidays with trepidation. Holidays bring about thoughts of family and fun. At the same time they bring about thoughts of loss and grief.  My minds often boggles at the brains ability to handle duelisms.  I wonder how much at war are my children's minds on holidays? Experiencing happiness and joy to suddenly be ambushed by guilt and grief a few minutes later. How do they do it, and I often wonder what should my expectations be on their abilities to handle it.

This Moms day I planned a day of fun because gotcha day is often celebrated too. The mall for Sweet Potato and a game night (for the rest of us.) I had hoped the fun of the day would help keep her mood sweet. Yet through out the day her behavior was... shall we say... not so hot. My hubby even noticed! Even tho I was doing the high nurture, high structure, making compromises, saying yes, she was just not co-operating.  Looking back I realized we made a few mistakes today.  We ALL should NOT have gone to the mall. It should have been her alone with just one parent. Letting her revel in shopping is fine, but the whole family ended up getting annoyed with the time it takes for her to buy one shirt. I swear she tried on half the store. I think we gave her to big of an audience and to much choice.

Daddy should not have agreed to her napping while all the chores and party prep were being done.  When we don't give her work to do we are in-part saying "Hey you're a guest not a family member." The sly puss when given a pretty easy chore of putting away a few bags of party groceries just before the guest were due to arrive, actually disagreed with me for 10 minutes about where to put away the heavy whipping cream... Did you know all dairy products belong in the cupboard!!! Ya I'm not buying what your selling.   I kept asking her to: "Try it again cupcake." "Can you say that in a respectful tone of voice?"  Eventually I just resorted to asking her to say "Mom ya caught me being smarmy."  *sigh*  Then the carton finally got put in the fridge. with that quirky grin of hers. 

A late bed time became even later when she informed me of some things she was missing. So off to the pharmacy we went... When we got home she had a sensory melt down.  After we resolved the sensory thing. She got ready for bed. I came in to check on her and found her now gleefully using the things she just had a melt down over, looking up at me with a now guilt ridden look on her face while her mouth was insisting it was still a big bad awful sensory experience.  I just praised her "Woo hoo look at you overcome that fear! Thank you for trying, your doing a great job."
(She got so mad at me. I totally know why too :-P  afterwards when I was sharing the scenario with hubby I had to run the water so she didn't hear my peals of giggling.)

The original sensory issue could have totally been real, and now a few minutes later when her Fontal Lobe was no longer hijacked by her Amygdala, she could handle it. So I cuddled her, and after a few words I asked a simple question. "So if you played with that when I wasn't here does that mean you win and I lose?"
She said "Yes..."
"So catching you at it does that mean I get a point?"
She said "Yes." (I was this child... figuring this one out was so easy.... I just thought what would my teen brain be doing).
I held her tight and said "Oh honi if you over come this issue it's a win for you, and to set the record straight I can't win or loose in this game your playing because we'll honi I'm not."
She was confused "Not what?"
"I'm not playing your game." I replied as I kissed her and sent her off to brush her pearly whites.

But I realized the first thing I did totally wrong was:  I should have insisted on Breakfast IN Bed.

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