Through Life's Storms

A friend of mine texted me today about how my life has been one storm after another for such a long time and how well she thought I was weathering it. She said she was praying for me.  Words cannot express how grateful I am for all those of you praying us through this time of upheaval. I look back at the past year and see so much loss, best friends moving on everyone in our family experienced a bestie leaving, loss of one of our dogs, a new job for hubby but at the cost of loss of fellowship with so many good friends as our Venn circles no longer overlap, loss of our housing attached to the old job, and the hardest loss of all, the death of my mother the kids grandmother.  

I have been amazed at God's timing how he put me here in New York at just the right time to be a help and companion to my father. I may not be the best of companions but at least I'm here  :-)  We are hoping to close on the new house as soon as possible, please pray for favor with mortgage companies as government entities have lost documents on us... Pray they are found or are not needed. 

I did not want the girls to get to far behind so I did order some of this years curriculum. It arrived yesterday and I started assigning blocks of work. Since we only have pieces I'm having them do about 2 of each assignments per unit. I could not imagine trying to cart all the books we needed back to Texas in the tiny car we just bought for Daddies commuter. It will be a fun trip home! ha ha ha.  

I cannot believe Little Miss Sunshine is starting Algebra she is ready. Yet this week she has discovered the meaning of brain drain. Use it or lose it! She has not done any math over the summer other than looking at price tags and figuring out if she has enough money to buy the article of clothing. She was laughing at herself today that she could not remember 3x3 is 9! I have assigned a few extra math work sheets to warm up her math skills. 

I was so glad Sweet Potato's friend was praying for her today as she absolutely flew though addition of polynomials today. Woo hoo! She was all smiles as she was sifting though the math facts to get the answers. She was really trying today so less frustration for everyone.    My poor father has his dining room table taken over for hours at a time now. The girls are using the tablets for more than just fun and games... My poor candy crush saga is going no where... LOL. I'm glad I have them working on school. It was a good decision as it has been too cold to go swimming. Today it is 66 degrees out and raining. Brr... They had been OD'ing on TV while handy to keep them occupied during the daily hospital runs, how much back to back  "Say Yes To The Dress" can one watch without getting bored?  You know they have watched enough TV when your child says "Mom I have watched every Good Luck Charlie episode." with a hang dog expression in their eyes.  Doing school has normalized the days for the girls which in turn helps them process this nomadic life we are living at the moment. 

I never realized how hard it is for my kids to meet people in a new place.  I'm totally joining the nearest home school co-op when we get back! Never before was it an issue, as we were in a large community of friends who homeschooled.  I am looking forward to moving in, putting down some roots and letting Little Miss Sunshine raise a few rabbits. We may even join 4-H club. What a thought... it meets every other Tuesday night at 7pm and I can go! I'm grateful I have a place to weather the storms, supporting my dad and being supported by him. I am looking forward to traveling home and spending time as a complete family unit again. 

Praying For Leadership

About two years ago one of my very best friends said to me "I feel the need to pray for leadership." Since we were working on building the campus, and I knew soon, things were going to be in flux, I completely agreed, this would be a good idea.

Now we needed to make a plan; how were we going pray without getting caught? We discussed options and decided to be irregular, to move locations, and to not frequent popular GFA coffee stops. At the time it began to bother me. I felt God was calling us to pray, but I also knew if we did it openly we could be reprimanded.  Yes you did just read that.  So on irregular Thursdays occasional Wednesdays hidden in my schedule as "something else" we joined together in prayer, not the same bat channel, not the same bat time, for an hour we prayed for leadership and anything else God placed on our hearts.

Do you find this odd?  Are you asking yourself why did we feel the necessity to hide our actions?

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Well my first year here at GFA was exciting and I was invited at lunch to pray and fast on Thursdays with some other like minded ladies.  I was used to fasting on Thursdays so I agreed, with anticipation in my heart. I looked forward to praying for the lost world and the needs of the ministry. It was a joy to sacrifice my meal and my free time to pray for the lost. But it didn't last...

Leadership came to us, they had seen us (a group of ladies) meeting together in the office  oh the horrors... behind closed doors.  Long story short we were told it wasn't permitted. I wasn't given a real reason just "it's not allowed, it's not sanctioned." Bemused/shocked/disappointed we stopped.

Now today after all the staff meetings that have been called in the name of transparency, if I were to ask why? I am sure I would be told they didn't want cliques to form.

I feel that answer is pathetic. Cliques are going to form in any organization... To my eyes the most exclusive clique is the one at the top; talk about the kettle calling the pot black.  Funny at the same time in our staff training group we were informed that being in the same class would bind us together to make exceptionally strong friendships. This is very true being in a class together, sharing a trip to India these things will create a group with strong ties to one another... sound like a clique to you? Yeah I thought so too. So to me the attitude of being allowed to be tight with your "besties" on one hand but not being allowed to pray together on the other because of cliques, sends a disingenuous message.

Wouldn't it be better to just allow people to pray? If you were stressed give us a list of things to pray for that will keep us busy. If you thought were were going to get prideful or cliquey tell us that! Ask us to evaluate our hearts on a regular basis, It smacked to me of oddness, and of a lack of trust that the Lord would not guide us. Now getting some distance 12 years later I see the disingenuousness of it all, with 20/20 vision. I see a long standing set of parameters that are based on control not trust.

I do feel leadership has been hurt? of course all people made mistakes. Instead of responding, GFA has reacted. Over an over again they have used one method. Grace is talked of but, when you screw up (or one person, one child messed up), rules are put in place for all members. It is like we are children and they are our parent.

It's fascinating to me I feel GFA has been for years in it's adolescence as a ministry.  As a parent I have to remember my children are arrows from the Lord. At some point we need to take them out, fit them to the bow, draw it back and let them fly. If you don't, you end up with adult children living in the basement watching TV, playing video games and eating all the salami you bought for yourself.

GFA is at a cross roads I truly feel if Rules are truly replaced by Grace, If transparency overcomes the  secretive attitude, if trust not control is lauded; GFA can go on to become an amazing power house for the field. I also think if the staff continues to feel un-empowered,  GFA as a ministry will never grow up, it will stay an adolescent forever never fully growing into all the Lord has for it.