New Life is Blooming in Me.

I looked at my plant. I was so disappointed in it.

Yet again it had made buds and the buds fell off.

Why???  I asked myself is this plant not blooming. My heart was hurting, we were praying about leaving GFA.  Each spring (and sometimes even fall) my orchid would bring me joy and and week upon week of blooms.  My heart sank, I love flowers and this one plant had uplifted my spirit for years. In this household that squeezes each penny till Lincoln screams, fresh flowers just didn't happen very often. The long gloomy spring continued as I asked myself why is this plant not blooming? I reflected on my spiritual life. "It's like me Lord."  I want to bloom but I'm missing something, I felt so stunted.

I bought orchid plant food. I repotted it. The flower stalk started to grow again.  I hoped.  Sadly I was disappointed, the stalk stunted and died right about the time we were leaving the ministry.  My friend took in my plants as my stuff went into storage. My life continued, I learned how deep grief can go. I learned how tragedy grows our spirits, gives us compassion and drives us to our knees in reliance on Him.

I marveled at God's precious grace as he guided us to a new church, to new opportunities to serve him, and new friends that completely "Get Us."  My heart is so tender now, I cry at commercials.  The years of pride in my "We're the only ones doing it right ministry" is sloughing away and God is showing so many amazing people in the previously disparaged american church.  People willing to accept an X-missionary with open arms in such love and grace.  The walls around my heart are breaking down and I feel like the Lord has so much to teach me.  The moments of happiness and contentment I am experiencing is helping me so much. Finding joy in my garden, the animals God has graced our home with, and just being at peace.

All the striving, the push and messaging to save the lost is fading from an urgency to a normalcy. Yes it's important but I no longer feel like I'm supposed to exhaust myself to reach them.  And really I asked myself is striving/suffering/exhausting the right way?

And then I watered my plants.

Did I strive for this blossom? No. I figured the stalk would shrivel and die like every other one had for the past 2 years. I didn't feed it. I didn't exhaust myself for this blossom. I didn't do anything but water it, and once I attached it to the bamboo because hey it might bloom but I doubt it.  First Corinthians chapter 3 talks about watering, planting and who ultimately is responsible for the increase. I'll give you a sneak peek.... It's not us! 

God is the one who makes things grow.   

Each of us has a part, but there is such freedom in knowing I'm not totally responsible for the increase. This chapter has a warning as well, admonishing us to be careful. You can see Paul is chastising us too not get prideful, to be aware of how we build/work for Gods Kingdom.  If we do not build rightly it will get burned up, we still get to be saved whoo hoo! even if our work is full of pride and built with non enduring materials.  

 KP Yohannan stated in so many of his messages to staff (I'm paraphrasing here) "Crowds of people will greet you in heaven saying 'Thank you for sending us missionaries'."  I wonder will there be?  This encouraged MY pride in the work, I wonder how much of my work was built  with straw and how much was built with Grace?  Only Death can revel this mystery, I'm willing to wait! but for now I hope to not labor in vanity or pride and be diligent in doing the work God has set for me. 

Winners and Losers

Some times my Rocky Mom persona comes out. Rocky can tell My kids things they would never listen to from Mom. Besides Rocky has a great philosophy of life, its worth perpetuating.

I give my kids chores it teaches valuable life skills and makes them feel apart of the family. This is critical in to their sense of belonging. Now when my kids use the dish washer they tend to be sloppy and not scrape the dishes. I don't really care because the dishwasher has a special function that grinds up all the old food particles and rinses them away.  Of course eggs on stainless steel, when cooked with out sufficient oil actually creates a chemical bond.  And I Quote "These bonds may be relatively weak van der Waals forces or covalent bonds. Protein-rich foods are particularly prone to sticking because the proteins can form complexes with metal atoms, such as iron, in the pan."  So  even tho it has been washed the pan still has egg on its face.

So I go to make my self a fried potato I love fried potatoes with veggies and ham and a wee bit of cheese all melted together. Yum! But I digress.. so I reach for the iron skillet that lives on the stove top. Oddly it has a lid on it. I take the lid off and it is dirty, Noone has scraped it out nor re-seasoned it. I look at DD2 did you use this last? Uh uh... Thought so, well you need to clean this. I get a phone call and come back she's working on the pan.  So I reach down into the cupboard and pull out a frying pan,  it too is dirty, covered in washed egg.  Who put this dish away?

Ok DD2 looks at ground "me"  now the procedure is if the dishes are put away dirty they both get to hand wash the dishes for a week and no more just loading up the dish washer.  DD2 looks crushed. So Rocky Mom to the Rescue.

Yo Yo whats up wit this? Even in my bachelor days I would not cook outta something as dirty as this is. Do youse want to cook outta this? Here give it a feel.... DD2 eeeewww... ya ya that's like pretty disgusting isn't it. Did  you look at the pan before you put it away? DD2 "no..."  ya you see so now how do you feel?  "Yucky." You feel like a winner or a loser? "A loser."
Ya when we don't take pride in our work we feel like losers. You cheated yourself,  you choose to be lazy.  Where is your pride? You know when they choose me to fight, they picked me because I would loose.  I knew I had a good chance of loosing but did I lay down and let that stop me? No I worked out, I worked hard I took pride in my work. If you give it your best shot and still lose are you a looser? or are you a winner?  Did I put everything I had into it? Yes! Of course I did, Did I win No! I didn't, but did I feel like a looser in the end? NO! I was a winner, the battle was within me not with Apollo Creed. I gave him a run for his money and almost won that fight, but the real battle took place inside.

So what are you gonna do wit this pan?  Yup your gonna wash it and wash it well, make it shiny so yous can see your face in it. Take pride in a job well done.

Oddly enough this put a smile on her face and a spring in her hand and she took that scrubber and made it BE-U-tiful... See Rocky can tell them anything.