Sunday, August 26, 2007

I been thinking about anger

A few weeks ago we lost one of our precious dogs Hudson to liver cancer. Short of extreme measures and a large expenditure of money we do not have, there was nothing we could do. My daughter dealt with it by talking about swimming. I would ask her if she missed the dog and instead she natters on incessantly about swimming.

Then breakfast became a battlefield.
Mom: What do you want for breakfast this morning?
DD: Eggs!
Mom: Why are you not eating your eggs?
DD: I want toast! My tummy hurts…
Mom: Honi you asked for grape jelly on your toast now eat it please. DD: My Tummy hurts I want cereal.
Mom: your tummy hurts because you are hungry. Now eat!

Day after day after day the same thing every morning, if I say its wet outside she said its dry. If I say its hot outside she says its cold and goes out in 95-degree heat wearing a sweater. She of course reappears in 5 minutes saying, “I’m sweaty.” Well DUH!!! It’s hot outside. Picture me banging my head against the wall.

So following the sage advice of a wise woman, I stopped giving her options for breakfast because no matter what I put in front of this child she wouldn’t eat it and well soggy cereal doesn’t last for lunch and reheated eggs are kinds gross. My childhood memories are haunted with thrice reheated scrambled eggs, UGH! Can we say, “Eating a hockey puck would taste better?”

Usually by 11 am she is hungry enough to eat corn flakes. So how does this all relate to anger? I have noticed a trend maybe I have been half out of it but when I say “Honi 10 more minutes then you have to turn the game off. In 10 minutes when I ask for the game to be turned off she lobs the “anger football” at me... why is she mad at me, this is great because: I didn’t forget and made her turn the game off. My hubby comes in flustered and upset and I get to recive the “anger football” from him. Is he mad at me No… In all of this I realized I’m not the quarter-back I guess I’m the one who gets to catch it and can make a touch down with this anger football. But it’s hard work always reciving anger that should be directed elsewhere. I’m not the one who caused the problem but I seem to be the deposit box for it all.

I think this is something Moms just do. I did have a long talk with my DD. About how sometimes we are mad about something else and so were mad about everything, and how she is probably mad about Mommy letting Hudson die. And how for some strange reason it is easier to be angry than sad.

Ever notice how anger is justifiable, but sadness is frowned upon. And one day the floodgates open on my little one and all the ignored crying came pouring out. Real grief, real tears. Whew!

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