In December we pull out the Advent book and every day we read another part of the birth of Jesus. DD loves to open the doors each day and read the story. Everyday the first week, we read the annunciation where the angle says to Mary “nothing is impossible with God” Luke 1:37 Everyday I heard this verse, it wormed its way into my heart. I began to talk to God. “I know I’m not Sarah or Hanna, or Mary, I’m not some great giant of faith that I deserve to be in on the secret. But God you love me just as much as you loved those women. I really wish you would speak to me and reassure me.” I prayed this prayer without any expectations it was like a sigh from my heart.
When we first started our adoption journey I choose a baby instead of an older child. DH in his infinite wisdom played along. As the process began to unfold God started to challenge my heart. Asking me such questions as “Who are you to dictate what I have for you?” I kept thinking about God as if he has both hands full of a great gift and I keep asking for what is in His right hand. “No, no really God I don’t need all you want to give me, I’ll just take what I think, I want, and it’s in the right hand.” He couldn’t give me anything unless I took what was in both of His hands. I began to see I needed to be open to what God wanted for me, not what I wanted for me. If I look at it logically doesn’t God have my best interests at heart? What was I so worried about?, so like Abraham I took my “baby” to the alter and gave it to God. Then I held out both hands and said God you fill em.
Shortly after I had sighed my prayer, I cracked open my bible to read. I was going to read some Psalms. But instead I decided to read Isaiah. I then read this:
Sing, O barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,"
says the LORD.
"Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
Isaiah 54: 1-2
Wow when God chooses to speak, He Speaks. I still was a bit confused should I start shouting for joy right away? Our adoption process was in the queue and we had just gotten another email saying child wait times were going up another month possibly two. It seemed our child assignment wait time had been holding at 16 months forever. My mind kept asking the Lord “Huh?” Yet my heart was satisfied, sitting in amazement at how He ministered to my desire and I was at peace. I stored these verses in my heart as a secret treasure.
In on December 11th we got a call from Holt International, it was the waiting child program. They were wanted to know if we would be interested in a 5 year old girl.
She hadn’t been in care that long, less than a year and had some lung problems. I told J. we would look at her file. So she emailed it to me. I poured over the English translation. I fell in love with her story, her picture, her sweet half sad, half smiling face wrapped itself around my heart.
God’s timing is perfect He really knows what he is doing. You see the very next day I had an appointment with my Pulmonologist. I scheduled this appointment 6 months ago. How awesome is that???
So I took in my pile of paper and we had a nice talk.
Would this problem affect her quality of life? No.
Is it something operable? No not really.
Is this issue going to shadow her life everyday? No.
I got some tips on what not to do, like scuba diving is not a good idea, mountain climbing is out as well. Not real hardships for me! She seemed to fit in to our family right away.
Who better to take care of her than me? I understand the feelings of heaviness in ones lungs.
So for days I couldn’t sleep I was too keyed up, could we, would we. As we filled out form after form explaining why we would be good parents for her. We had to get this approval and that approval, were other parents interested in her? Would we be chosen?
I slept in fits and starts praying and asking God, thanking God believing in faith she was our Lily. Then the day came, I got a call from the director. We had been ok’d by our local agency and the waiting child program. They were handing our file over to the China program we were officially matched! I called DH, his phone was on do not disturb!! Such exciting news and I can’t reach him!! I called J.D. one of his co-workers and J.D. tracked him down. It wasn’t that hard as DH was just returning from a meeting. It was exactly what he had been hoping to hear! As we rejoiced together as a family that evening, DD was confused. “Mama why are you crying?” Poor DD, tears only mean sadness to her. So we stopped and explained, “Some times when we are incredibly happy we cry tears of joy.”