Monday, August 8, 2011


So I had a long talk with my dd1 about her finger picking… Yes my child picks at her fingers.  It’s a nervous habit that she knows annoys me. So she does it for comfort and because it has bugged me in the past and it may still bug me today.   How putting oneself in pain is comforting I do not understand I just know it happens.  
Today she admitted with tears in her eyes she wants to stop but she just can’t seem to stop herself. So I’m trying stickers and labels on glass jars. Any time she wants to finger pick she can come to this bin of recyclables and pick the labels off the jars.  If there are no jars I have a few glass containers with stickers stuck all over them.   Hopefully this will give the same sensation of picking without doing injury to herself.   
It’s Odd we all have these types of self-destructive behaviors but as Adults we excuse them…
Some I have heard in my life time.
I'm not an alcoholic I'm a Social Drinker…
I Eat for comfort, even tho I’m on cholesterol lowering medication.  
I’m angry so I can drive fast if I want to.
I’m not going to wear my seat belt.
I can grow Pot for myself in my basement I’m not hurting anyone but myself.
My ultimate goal is to train up my child to respect her body and her heart. To see she is worthy of being loved. I fear deep down inside she is has an inward struggle of. My first family didn’t want me. I don’t  feel wanted so no one not even myself feels like I want Me.  I must be Unloveable.  Sometimes I feel it is my job to instill a deep understanding of Gods love for her, And how much we love her no mater how much she pushes us away. 
So many times it truly is 2 steps forward and one step backward. Every time I see improvement she seems to turn around and flee the success.  As if succeeding is scarier than failure.   In some ways it is you know...  if one is a failure no one can expect you to be better than you are right now. But if you succeed then people will continue to expect good things from you.  

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