My pastor... well our sending pastor not our current pastor... spoke Sunday about idols in our life. How sometimes protestants condemn other religions for bowing down to idols. He was speaking on 1 Corinthians 1: 1-17 he focused on the part where Paul is begging for those in division to be in unity. They were all broken into factions by who had baptized them. Isn't this typical of humanity, we boast of our accomplishments, name drop, and try to lift ourselves above others. We all do it to some degree, we have that desire to lift ourselves up and be just a wee bit better than the other guy.
Then it hit me I totally qualified as the person he was talking about. I sat there stunned, as the Lord convicted me. Being at GFA where we are encouraged to think of ourselves as one in a million, special, called by God, this mantra of words keeps telling me I was "SOMEBODY". When had this crept into my heart? I sat there repenting. Images of K.P. telling us we were special, to be in America but be better than those poor weak minded christians in American churches. For years I had held myself a wee bit higher than those that "just go to church." GFA never seemed to work with any other organization, I always assumed it was because we give "100% to the field." This mentality of "we are better than them" was there rooted in my heart... when had that happened? Oh my!
Hurtful comments from last summer came flooding into my mind. I realized I had been so stressed over that time. I was allowing a man to hold Gods' place on Gods' throne. God gave me an image of a small man holding a scepter with his arms crossed, frowning, sitting on Gods Holy Throne... he was tiny, it was as if someone put an action figure on a really large chair. I felt so sad.
Afterwards I processed this in a journal because I wasn't home or connected to the internet.
I wrote down that:
I had sought to please man over God.
I feared man over God.
I cared more for safety and security than God.
I had in-fact become complacent.
God was asking me again will you follow me and only me? My answer is Yes! I put my future in his hands once more. He is my sole guide.