An Open Letter to Gayle Erwin

My head is exploding, my heart is full of such bitter sweet emotions I'm feeling so much pain, so much loss, and yet Joy.  So much pain could have been avoided.

On Throckmorton today there are piles of links to documents I have so wanted to read.  Here are 2 that have brought me to tears.

Gayle Erwin’s report to GFA as assigned
Gayle Erwin’s Letter of Apology to GFA Diaspora Spokesperson J.D. Smith

So tonights blog is for Gayle Erwin 

Dear Gayle,
I saw you in the cafe the day you were here investigating GFA. I desperately wanted to speak to you about our pain and how we had been stunned at K.P.'s intrusiveness in our lives. I hung around cleaning things in the Fellowship Hall hoping you would be free from K.P's presence for a few minutes. I finally gave up. Maybe you saw 2 ladies in the parking lot one crying uncontrollably on the shoulder of the other. The one crying would be me, I felt so hopeless that day. My friend K held me but had no answers for me.

Later on you sat behind me while K.P. yelled his prayers for "staff to only follow Jesus, and not him," tears pouring off his face "repenting."  I watched as K.P. never left your side.  I would have loved to pray with you, to get you alone for one minute, but how could I?  I was unwilling to destroy my husbands standing in the ministry at that time.

I hoped you would find that somethings but not all, were true.  I hoped you would recommend an apology. I so desired my beloved ministry to be all it claimed to be, but I feared for it. I feared that the man in charge had a deep trauma that was causing this inability to let go of control, and allow others to take the reigns. I feared... that in and of itself spoke volumes to me. I feared we were in the hands of a master manipulator and that lies and half truths abounded.

I understand your hope for change. I to I hoped for true repentance, for true change, for truth to win out.

You lost my respect the day the response to The Diaspora came out.  I too, liked the reconciliation part, but the rest of it... Oh Gayle it sounded like a petulant child saying "talk to the hand." I do want you to know I never believed you wrote that letter, its voice was a mix of GFA's leadership voices. I was horrified that a lie was published for the world at large about the "services" being a bible study.  It was a confirmation to us that we could no longer be a part of GFA.  Integrity drew me to GFA and it was a lack of integrity that drove me to my knees begging God to give my husband a job elsewhere.

Gayle I read the Jesus Style in my teens, you have profoundly impacted me to see the world with eyes of love.  It hurt so deeply to see your name on a letter I could not believe you wrote. It hurt to see your name dismiss our friends pain.

I want to say how profoundly relieved and glad I am. Your apology to the Diaspora brought tears to my eyes. I want to say I thank you. I want to say "You are Man Enough for God." I cannot thank you enough for bringing to light the truth. For standing up and choosing to be counted, I understand your hope and your desire to wait and see. I too desire GFA to stop, repent and make the changes required, the apologies required. I'm not rejoicing over the PR nightmare this will become for GFA, yet I rejoice that you are standing in the light.  Thank you for being the man I thought you were.
In Christ,
Sara