Monday, November 30, 2015

Morning Tea

This morning during my hot tea, a friend texted me this link 

It was a great wake up read.

Some things that struck me right away were the similarities I found in his description and how I felt while "under authority."  Here are some excerpts from the blog post.

He domineers by misinterpreting and misapplying to himself the OT command: “Don’t touch God’s anointed.”

I covered this one over at Take My Spear Please!
A pastor domineers whenever he uses slick verbiage or eloquence to humiliate people into feeling ignorant or less competent than they really are.
He domineers by building into people a greater loyalty to himself than to God. Or he makes it appear that not to support him is to work at cross purposes with God.
The feeling of incompetence, and KP as "Superior Super Spiritual Father" were rampant. Just recently my former neighbor posted to my Facebook account how he needs a spiritual father because he's so far below the rest of us. This is the kind of thinking that puts people on the throne and dislodges God from prime importance. It's so sad when this happens to us, (myself included).  I wonder will there be a promised crowd of people in Heaven thanking me for my service? Or will God say What? you expected props for that chaff? Sorry that was done in your own strength. Sometimes I wonder, Did my service count? Part of me declares YES! it must, I did it to serve the Lord, and part of me says it was done to serve man in idolatry.   Forgive me Lord for my weakness. 
A pastor domineers whenever he presents himself as super-spiritual (his views came about only as the result of extensive prayer and fasting and seeking God. How could anyone then possibly disagree with him?).  
I still see his face, claiming he went up on a mountain top and fasted and prayed, and asked God to forgive him over the Diaspora issues. Since he had Gods forgiveness, he needed no one else's.  The Spiritual Father has absolution from God he needs not apologize publicly. He did call people on the phone. One friend I know said she received an odd call where he apologized to her privately but told her she could "talk about it" as if encouraging her to spread the word, hey look world "He said he was sorry to me!"  
He domineers by establishing an inviolable barrier between himself and the sheep. He either surrounds himself with staff who insulate him from contact with the people or withdraws from the daily affairs of the church in such a way that he is unavailable and unreachable.
During the time before the big move, I could see he was so afraid. It is one of the reasons I started to pray secretly.  He often said how he wanted to be in India rather than in America. He was worried about what would happen when he got us all on campus.  It looks like it was a self fulfilling prophesy. When I think of all the families that have left in the past year.  I have so many bittersweet emotions, Sad my beloved ministry is so broken I wonder if it can ever be repaired, and relived so many are no longer walking in the shadow of idolatry. 
I know K.P. has an open to all email address, I sent him many emails, trying to encourage him in 2013 and 2014. When I recognized him to be afraid, I hoped he would be encouraged, but I believe now, his fear was real. The Diaspora was a threat he could not control.  He never once answered my emails or acknowledged them. Of course I was sad he didn't, but I "understood" he had so many more important people to communicate with. He claims to have an open door policy, but in reality over the years I have observed my husband needing to set up an appointment to actually see him. 
I used to observe Gisela at meetings, I was sad for her she seemed so separate. It reminded me of my mom. How she felt she had to stay apart from the crowd to protect my father as an administrator. She never wanted to be a point of weakness for my dad. I saw the same thing in Gisela.  Tho as my mothers child I was often burdened by her need for friendship from me, because her friends were so few.  I wanted my Mom to be my Mom not necessarily my friend, this led to many conflicts. As I matured and placed healthy boundaries in my life it got so much better.  My Mom and my Dad were so tight, the best of examples of how a great marriage looks. Yet when Mom got sick and I asked Dad for a list of friends we could tap as his support team for moms illness. The list only had 2 names on it.  
I had to ask myself, is this the price of leadership? or was this self imposed exile? With hindsight I can say I'm sad for my parents that they did not have a wider range of friendships. I believe that one can be friends with co-workers, tho it is more difficult with "subordinates." I believe with the right balance of boundaries in our relationships we can have healthy friendships with co-workers. 
I was reading today about Jesus and how he took the lowest position that of the slave and washed the disciples feet. I think back to all the work parties where KP if he did show up didn't stay. Mandatory work parties didn't apply to KP was it because he was too important to waste his time planting more than one tree?  The "real" work of the ministry pulls him away he has things to do and people to see. Totally explainable but in my mind, not following Christ's example.  

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