"Reaching the lost at any cost" as given me such a limited viewpoint. At the bible study we were discussing Proverbs 29:18 the verse about "without vision my people perish." It really struck me forcefully. Do I have a vision? For 12 years my mindset has been "I'm a lifer, I'll be a missionary till I die. Serving God and having purpose in my life." But what about now... I actually broke down in the meeting. I have been so focused on the here an now for the last 6 months, do I have Gods vision for our future? I can look back and see Gods grace in having me be right where I am supposed to be. But what is it the Lord has for me going forward?
Today the homeschooling adoptive parent and I planned on a park day for the kids, but alas the light drizzle altho warm, made us not want to hang out in the wet. So we went to Starbucks. I love the free refills, our kids took over a table and played some game involving slapping cards. Sweet Potato kept winning... I suspect collusion on the part of her new friends. She was engaged and happy without texting. My kids are so happy they have found a "normal" to us family that really enjoys spending time with them.
The mom and I had a good talk, but mainly I listened, so many similarities in our lives. She too has been hurt by ministry... given an unrealistic time line to move out of ministry provided housing, experienced prejudice because of the families race, as well as completely able to commiserate on the foibles of being an adoptive mom. I'm so blown away that God is giving me this opportunity to connect with someone who is hurting in the exact same way, but is further along in the healing process. After 2 hours that seemed to fly by, we had to go and buy food for dinner, the kids hugged we talked about Sunday and went on with the rest of our day.
I feel a bit like Samwise Gamgee, unlike Frodo he didn't have a quest, he was pitchforked into the fellowship because he was in the right place at the right time. Where is my life going? What is the plan? I am probably over thinking it and I just need to wait on the Lord.