Peas & Peppers Oh My!

My beans are starting to climb and I planted wheat just to see what it would be like to grow wheat. 

I'm starting to get peppers sweet banana! 

The cherry tomatoes are setting fruit. 

Sadly my lettuce is weak, the carrots did not pop up the kale got eaten... 

My pansy's haven't stopped blooming and the herbs are getting bigger. 

The dill is starting to take off. 

I love how sage grows so well! 

I had a few potato sprouts in my potato bin so I tucked them in the soil. 

Hopefully this cool weather will last a bit longer they are so happy! 

This is Purslane it tastes lovely in salads. and it blooms too!

I was so surprised to see it in a hanging basket. 

the beets I sowed in February are getting leaves and a few carrots here have popped up. 

sadly the peas have gotten powdery mildew. 

It will slow production but the top most parts still have flowers so here is hoping for more peas. 

I was excited to see my fennel is up and making leaves. 

I can't wait for fall and roasted fennel. 

I saw a lonely beet. only one seed popped so far I may have to reseed. 

The cukes, beans and peas have stopped looking as wan and yellow. 

I treated them with alfalfa tea still not sure if it is the excessive rain or not enough nitrogen. 

My first fooled ya Jalapeño. these are sweet or so they say the proof will be in the eating. 

With Much Sadness

From:  http://child.tcu.edu/karyn/

Oh my heart is breaking Karyn Purvis lost her battle with cancer yesterday. Altho I know she is in heaven I'm sad for our loss here on earth. This woman wisdom has helped me connect with my children in ways I never thought possible. When I no longer "liked" my child (but still loved!) her guidance and advice brought us back together as a family. She was there, up on stage frail and obviously battling cancer last October. People were surprise she just spoke and then retreated without taking questions but I understood cancer is terrible. I thought her so full of passion that she would still speak even if it was unbelievably hard.  I'm grateful for this wise woman who gave me the most counterintuitive advice ever, but it sure worked. She will be greatly missed.

Go Play!

I looked oddly at my daughter, after a year of turmoil and grief she had suddenly taken to play. This my child who lined up toys and yelled at me if I made them talk. The child who slapped my wrist because I play wrongly. Is playing... Yes she is a teen but who cares she's playing!

Earlier in the week she was asking for a sand box, because the big pile of sand left over from the septic system installation is being moved into garden beds. As well as hopefully becoming a Zen Garden for my knight to relax in as he rakes the sand.  I scavenged the yard for previously used wood and with lots of help from my spouse we built a sandbox with seats, even,  Yeah! Less sandy jeans to wash!  It's a nice change from the child that wouldn't let her hands get dirty.

Now here she was in the dollar store asking me if we could buy play dough, and chalk, and bubbles... It's weird.  Easter afternoon I watched her gleefully mix all the colors of the play dough together. Really child??? Ugh you used to do this exact same thing when you were four. She reveled in just mixing it and stopped while it was still in layers of yellow, green, blue and orange. Her sister started to berate her and tell her she will only end up with all gray if she continues. Sweet Potato fired back "It's the way I want it." I intervened and said, "It's not what I would do, but it is her play dough. She can make it gray if she wants too." Inwardly I'm cringing, if it was me I would be making tiny plates of food and people to eat the food. Lets face facts she's not me, she is herself.   Annnnnnd if she wants to mush it all up together, go for it kid.

She spent part of the afternoon writing with chalk on the driveway. Playing with the 7 year old neighbor girl. I know it looks odd, weird, strange even. Some people might say she is in regression. Yet I know Kayrn Purvis would be rejoicing. You see when a child of trauma does this, it is a sign the brain is rewiring itself in healthy ways. Developing the way it should have if she hadn't been abandoned by her birth family, If she hadn't traveled half a world away to find a family of her own.  It is most excellent she is progressing through these modalities of play she never really participated in before. Seeking sensory experiances like play dough and sand is wonderful. It shows she is healing. When I shared these things with our play therapist she rejoiced and said it was time for us to change her therapy plan as my darling daughter had turned a corner. What a beautiful opportunity God gives us to rewire our brain for more healthy thinking, to drive up dopamine and drive down depression. We are so fearfully and wonderfully made, and look at this amazing creation that is our brain that can rewire it's self for happy and healthy.

So much of parenting a child from hard places looks funny to others.  I love the phrase from a support group I was in "The llama in the back yard look." You know that look you get when you are all hanging around the play ground with other moms and you announce "I have a llama in my back yard." yeah that look on your face right now. Often as parents of children from hard places we look like we have a llama in the back yard. Our parenting techniques involve connecting the child to us not sending them to their room. It exhausts us with the high level of nurture and structure we have to include in our day to day life. Creating an environment where our children can have "felt safety" is a daily requirement and challenge. One our life this past year was made nearly impossible for months on end. 

Many parents would be freaking out if their child suddenly took to playing with non age appropriate toys.   Instead I'm over here cheering her on. And I don't care that you are looking at us funny. Go ahead were the family with the llama remember?  In fact I may just go and get a coloring book and sit down next to her and color now. Because I'm sure not playing with that gray clay... she soon will be mixing up. 

Will it Grow.

So we have moved onto an acre of land. We were forced to lose some viable gardening space to the new septic system. But we still have plenty of room to plant a lots of veggies.  So after reading up on Miniature farming and looking at different options it looks like a modified square foot method is what we will be pursuing. Apparently I need 700 Sq feet of garden to supply my family with food year round. That is a lot to cultivate. Thank goodness the books I have been reading are saying to ramp up over time. So 300 sq feet this year and 300 next year, meanwhile in the fall I should be planting asparagus and fruit trees.

As for now I have all the boxes built and I have started planting out the seeds I have been growing by the windowsill.

Planted Beans today 

Pepper Plants are popping up 

Radishes and kale and lettuce 

Radishes, and tomatos

Onions, beans, and tomatos

Oregano, rosemary, thyme, and pansies

Rhubarb, lavender, and sage, dill, chives, broccoli (some are small) 

See here is the dill. 

bolted lettuce, radishes, onions, and tomatos

Swiss chard, onion, garlic, carrots, beets, spinach and kale

Beans and cucumbers 

Peas, lettuce, onions, beets, carrots 

Weeds! 

Here are my chickens I love them 

Only this one has a name. We call her Dora as she is always getting out of 

the chicken yard and exploring her world.  

Well we will see how well my garden will grow and how much loss we will experience this year.  

Try & See

37 years ago there was a child sitting in a dining room sighing. She had played with the toys, she had eaten bacon and refried beans in a tortilla for breakfast, She had made works of art with the paints but now she was bored.  That child was me. My grandma looked askance and said "Child you need something to do, come here." I wandered into the living room, with it's china Matador, and Spanish bulls always ready to fight and gave that look.  You know the one your bored kids give you with the tilted head.  

Sit down, take this crochet hook and watch me, my Grandma demonstrated how to make a basic chain stitch. I tried, I failed. She made me unravel it, gently discussing how knowing how to crochet is a useful skill for man or woman.  She nattered on about how she doesn't know the stitches names but she was sure some book could tell me if I was willing to go look it up in the library. As she repeatedly made me pull out my stitches and try again. She just talked to me about how you can make up your own patterns if your just willing to think about it.  

As she let me do a one chain, then a single stitch (very bumpy) made me unravel my work. With a mix of gentleness and sarcasm, she challenged me to try try again.  When she was satisfied she taught me how to do a double stitch, and then a triple.  She covered where to place the stitch, in a loop or in the hole created by the stitch. "See how that changes your pattern?" she asked. She taught me how to keep all my lines on one side. How to skip, how to add a line with out increasing, or decreasing... Next up was adding stitches into a single loop to increase on purpose or make a pretty pattern.  Then how to do it in a circle and how you add rows to things that are round. "How many extra stitches do I add per row when it is round Grandma?" I recall her answer "Oh darling you go figure that out for yourself, it changes as you grow, never be afraid to unravel your work."   

One boring afternoon, turned into a life long skill and a fond memory.  I'm not that good. I still have to translate the secret code of stitches with a cheat sheet guide. Yet rarely do I use patterns. It's way more fun to wing it and see what happens. That sense of "Let us try and see" is still with me. I once set out to make a cap and made a beret instead that was fun. Considering I had tried to follow the beret pattern and gave up on it the month before. Maybe the pattern just needed time to sink in. 

On my birthday I got skeins of yarn from a friend.  I was amazed could I?? after 37 years could I??actually make an afghan? Did I wing it... yup I did. Did I unravel a bunch Yup. I finished it. I cuddled up under it and I was warm. It's so soft and I'm a bit in awe.  It is so big. It is the biggest thing I have ever made.  I of course see my errors but yet I don't think you will even notice. 

What a fine present my friend has given me, the yarn was a means to an end.  On cold winter nights I binge watched Netflix. As the afghan grew, it kept more and more of me warm, and each time I picked it up to work on it; as I placed the first stitches, the memory of my grandmas voice guiding me came to mind and brought a smile to my face. 

Sometimes my heart is heavy. Little Miss Sunshine has learned to crochet, but Sweet Potato thinks it is useless. Often citing how Ron Weasley of Harry Potter fame hated the sweaters his mom made him. Store bought is better, don't cha know.  Why spend so much time on a blanket? When you can buy a nicer one at the store and you don't have to work for it. I shake my head, how do I reach her? How do I get her to understand the value in things crafted by hand? Maybe I never will, or maybe someday she will make something she is proud of. Something she could not buy at the store, something just right for that space. Something she had just as much enjoyment in making it, as she will in using it. Oh child I hope someday you will see the pleasure is as much as in the creation / the journey as in the possessing. 

I leave you with those words of wisdom: "Oh darling you go figure that out for yourself, it changes as you grow, and never be afraid to unravel your work."   

New Life is Blooming in Me.

I looked at my plant. I was so disappointed in it.

Yet again it had made buds and the buds fell off.

Why???  I asked myself is this plant not blooming. My heart was hurting, we were praying about leaving GFA.  Each spring (and sometimes even fall) my orchid would bring me joy and and week upon week of blooms.  My heart sank, I love flowers and this one plant had uplifted my spirit for years. In this household that squeezes each penny till Lincoln screams, fresh flowers just didn't happen very often. The long gloomy spring continued as I asked myself why is this plant not blooming? I reflected on my spiritual life. "It's like me Lord."  I want to bloom but I'm missing something, I felt so stunted.

I bought orchid plant food. I repotted it. The flower stalk started to grow again.  I hoped.  Sadly I was disappointed, the stalk stunted and died right about the time we were leaving the ministry.  My friend took in my plants as my stuff went into storage. My life continued, I learned how deep grief can go. I learned how tragedy grows our spirits, gives us compassion and drives us to our knees in reliance on Him.

I marveled at God's precious grace as he guided us to a new church, to new opportunities to serve him, and new friends that completely "Get Us."  My heart is so tender now, I cry at commercials.  The years of pride in my "We're the only ones doing it right ministry" is sloughing away and God is showing so many amazing people in the previously disparaged american church.  People willing to accept an X-missionary with open arms in such love and grace.  The walls around my heart are breaking down and I feel like the Lord has so much to teach me.  The moments of happiness and contentment I am experiencing is helping me so much. Finding joy in my garden, the animals God has graced our home with, and just being at peace.

All the striving, the push and messaging to save the lost is fading from an urgency to a normalcy. Yes it's important but I no longer feel like I'm supposed to exhaust myself to reach them.  And really I asked myself is striving/suffering/exhausting the right way?

And then I watered my plants.

Did I strive for this blossom? No. I figured the stalk would shrivel and die like every other one had for the past 2 years. I didn't feed it. I didn't exhaust myself for this blossom. I didn't do anything but water it, and once I attached it to the bamboo because hey it might bloom but I doubt it.  First Corinthians chapter 3 talks about watering, planting and who ultimately is responsible for the increase. I'll give you a sneak peek.... It's not us! 

God is the one who makes things grow.   

Each of us has a part, but there is such freedom in knowing I'm not totally responsible for the increase. This chapter has a warning as well, admonishing us to be careful. You can see Paul is chastising us too not get prideful, to be aware of how we build/work for Gods Kingdom.  If we do not build rightly it will get burned up, we still get to be saved whoo hoo! even if our work is full of pride and built with non enduring materials.  

 KP Yohannan stated in so many of his messages to staff (I'm paraphrasing here) "Crowds of people will greet you in heaven saying 'Thank you for sending us missionaries'."  I wonder will there be?  This encouraged MY pride in the work, I wonder how much of my work was built  with straw and how much was built with Grace?  Only Death can revel this mystery, I'm willing to wait! but for now I hope to not labor in vanity or pride and be diligent in doing the work God has set for me. 

February Gardening

So today was a very productive day for me I wonder if I hit my 10k steps yet... I love Texas because NOW is when I can start to garden.  Yippie!

Unbelievably my Winter garden is still going. I have managed to cover it every frosty night, and the lettuce is happy... The onion sets and that tiny row of radishes were planted in January. I have been so blessed by my garden.  Being able to eat what I'm growing as well as having it produce all winter long yippie I didn't kill it.  Lettuce has always been an elusive plant for me in the Lone Star State. I always plant it too late in the spring. This time the September planting has been producing as a cut and come again all winter.  Happy Happy Happy!

 Last week 6 new babies came to roost under our roof. So far only one of these chickies has a name.  The one on the wooden board is called Queenie because she is always at the top of the brooder surveying all she can see. If I find a cricket she snaps it up and runs allover the place trying to eat it all by herself. She is of course chased by all the other chicks.  Today I was holding her and a cricket crawled up my pant leg. He had no chance once she saw it she pounced and almost got away from me.  I don't know why but she is my favorite.

Here I have started my peppers and tomatoes I bought a bunch of heirloom seed samples I can't wait to see if they grow.  Every other year I have tried, I have failed. This year I plan on having a huge garden and My friend CM is going to come play and grow with me. I figure if I actually plant more than 2 plants I might succeed with a few.  I figure if I start getting horn worms I'll run the chickens in the tomato patch, or eew gross pick them off and feed them to the chickens.

 I got a head start on beets and carrots. we will see if these seeds germinate.  I have orange and yellow carrots and those beets that are striped inside. My swiss chard is also still happy I keep cutting it back and I keep getting new growth. The garden is such a peaceful place for me. It grounds me, calms me, frees me. There is something so inherently beautiful in planting, watering, and harvesting. Eating the product of your garden, it tastes better because you knew all the steps that brought about your harvest. All the failures that went before, the tomatoes eaten overnight by rats, the leaves devastated by horn worms in previous years are forgotten in the moment of harvest. Each year is unique you never know what will grow well or what will fail... with the exception of cherry tomatoes which always grow in profusion and in the worse  year manage to produce tiny red globes of deliciousness.  I still remember convincing a child who hated tomatoes. She had never had anything but hot house tomatoes. I gave her Yellow Russian Pear tomatoes, she loved them.  Tomatoes from the garden taste so much better than anything from the store.

Years ago I house sat for a friend in the 90's. I found a pile of Iris's in the North corner of the lot. They were in a dark place and did not bloom.  My friend said they never had bloomed for her.  Can you picture the bemused look on my face? They were in the wrong place. I dug them up and moved them to the south side along the drive way. As I dug I found rhizome after rhizome.  They bloomed like mad the following year.   I split them and took them with me to my house in Rochester. I shared them with my neighbors and I had to leave them behind when I moved to Texas.

Today I found a patch of Iris's on our property stuck in a back corner. I dug them up and moved them. Now they are in a bright sunny spot where they can brighten my life as well as those passing by. Hopefully they will bloom this year.  I was having flashbacks to the 90's and being happy it is as if God is restoring the things I lost when I moved to Texas to serve him. God is good.

Letting Go

How can I hold on to this pain, this relationship gone awry.
How can we both be the same, yet be so far apart.
In the land of he said, and she said, and lies and deceit.
How do I live?

As the gulf grows between us my grief fills the gully.
I wonder will you be like the prodigal son?
Shall I wait out your disgust, your distain, your deceit?
Accused of being a Judas, by a lie... a machiavellian defeat.

Where oh where can I find a cure for this pain.
I wonder are you the thorn in my hand?
Like MacDonalds' Lilith holding on to pain?                       I should let go.
The laughter, the joy, the sorrow, the suffering we all shared.
Is not strong enough to bind us when we are scared.

Shunned
By the child,
                  the father,
                                  the mother,
                                                    the friend.
It hurts.

         It Is Meant To Hurt.      

I understand.

Like a child I run to my Fathers arms.
He pats my hand and tells me to free it.

Free it in Love.
               in Pain.
                   in Joy.
                       in Grief.

                                               Free yourself.                
Let It Go.

I am your Yahweh Rapha
All the pieces jumbled and littering the floor.
I see the the whole brokenness.
Restoration and healing are mine.

Do Homeschool's Give Detention?

So getting back into the swing of things after the winter break, did not go as well as one could hope.  We have been focusing on independence for Sweet Potato, otherwise know as "Lets all get Mom to stop being a nag."

Some things that were suggested but due to distractibility and what I call the "Ho Hum Factor" we have tried that before and it flopped in motivating her.  Let her do one subject then get a mini reward such as drawing a picture or candy...

Why this doesn't work for my kiddo...
If you stop her she looses traction. She doesn't like to draw and she doesn't like most candy.

Let her have a 15 min break every 45 minutes (like Finland!) This was a flop.  She took 15 minutes to get into her work and within 15 minutes was asking when the next break was.  Sadly this worked out as 30 min of work then 15 min of distracted non work 15 min of play, 15 min to settle down into her work, repeat. Epic Fail... sorry Finland.

An event scheduled later in the day: This was 50-50 in success but tiring for mom.  It also backfired into us having to get ready for an event and her not being done, thus making us all late. *Fume*

One thing that worked wonders is telling her she could go to Macy's and spend her gift card. Wow that motivated her in a major way she was done and done well by 1pm that day. Both her therapist and I decided 1. This was not cost effective. & 2. Not a good plan, ever!

So you ask have I found something that works?  Well I think so, it maybe too soon to declare it a winner, but I have great hopes. I sat her down and talked about her need to do her work well, be on time for school and not be late. We are talking 9 am here, In PJ's is fine, but she needs to have all her medical stuff done, she needs to have eaten, and finished self care by "School Start." I took the approach that if this were her job she would get fired.  Of course she took this opportunity to point out, in her world that wasn't a bad thing. Fired From School Wooot!!! Can I have Instagram now and the keys to the car too???  Back tracking I told her getting fired from school was unacceptable.  If she is on time and does all her check listed items she gets "jewels." (Dollar store). When she has 30 jewels she can spend up to 3$ on an app or buy a song on her iPod.

I continued with: If this was a public school you would be tardy, and unexcused tardiness gets you dentation and "No, playing with the dogs for an hour is not an acceptable excuse."  In fact there really is no excuse other than sickness, you live and work here. You can present yourself ready at the proper time if you choose to, the choice is up to you.  Oh and how ever long you are late, is how long the detention is, It is all in your hands my dear. During detention you will write lines, but not with Professor Umbrage's quill that would be cruel.

Day 1 Late
Day 2 Late
Day 3 On time barely because Mom broke the rules and rousted her out of bed *Bad Mommy*
Day 4 Late
We are not talking 5 min late some days she was 1 and a half hours late. It was amazing the dawdling she could come up with.

I thought this is not really getting the job done. Conferring with the principal brought about a brain wave... the mindset of our parents, what would have happened to me if I got detention in high school?  Oh wait I did get detention in High School... ONCE... my dad was the Vice Principal at the time, I toed the line in and out of school or there were pretty sever consequences. It was not an act I wished to repeat... EVER.  It wasn't worth the risk. Now after 1 detention (for being disrespectful to a teacher) I got grounded at home. Just once... here this child has been in detention 3 times...  So she got grounded for being in detention 3 times.  It was not fun.  While she was grounded, she had to do school work. No sitting around in your room alone. *nope* (She got one and a half school day's finished!)

Day 5 On time

The next week (Day 6) she was late AGAIN! not so badly but still late. I was PMS'ing I hit the roof. Mom doesn't want to nag I don't want to loose it, I don't want to be angry every morning, it's not peaceful.  It hit me I was having her write the wrong things. I changed what she had to write about being late. It is not respectful to be late. I will treat my teacher and school with respect. When I turned it around and asked her if when she went to public school if she would have been late 4 times? She said NO!

OH wait I sent her in once without an excuse (yup you guessed it dawdling) she got lunch detention and never ever did that again.  So why did she "hurry up" for school??? because she didn't want to let her teacher down.  Can you picture me rolling my eyes... So How bout now? How bout we try this?

New lines about respect and pointing out as parents we still will give consequences for "school" misbehavior. Grandma would never have put up with a kid that got multiple detentions. Nope not happening. Not tolerated, you want a life? You do your "job" of school or your life gets uncomfortable real fast. So you were late again, guess what school gives you detention and Mom and Dad give you extra chores that eat into your iPod time.
Oh and we have decided the iPod is not healthy so it's now limited to 4pm-8pm.
Day 7-11 On time sometimes she's early and has already started. 
*boing* *boing* *smash*
That's my eyeballs falling out and my jaw dropping in shock.

Today she counted out her jewels and bought a song her sister also wanted. Since we have family sharing, her sister also got to download it. This is so unusual and awesome! Sweet Potato choose a song she knew they both wanted. *Win Win*

Oh Health Care Dot Gov....

I write this while on hold yet again to try an fix health care issues...
Healthcare dot gov won't let me go! are they trying to keep their numbers from failing???  Talk about an inefficient system.

In September I cancelled my husbands health care, he has a policy thorough work. I called Blue Cross and Blue Shield (BCBS) to take him off so the payment could be adjusted. Customer service could not change our policy I had to go through, Health care dot gov. So I did, I also changed our address LAST SEPTEMBER...  yet our Health care system seems to be fraught with incompetence. I just got forwarded mail from our old address. Oh look it's new cards to a plan I cancelled. Oh look there is one for my husband. Great... Fabulous. I get to call them again... how many hours of my life will this be... 

What we have here is a failure to communicate. If I call the health care dot gov. I will be told it has been changed. Funny tho I changed the address to our new permanent address, yet mail still goes to the old ministry address which is forwarded to the temporary address... the only mail that has not accepted our new address is health care dot gov.  Oh no what will they do when we cancel the P.O. box???

I also called them 3 weeks ago In November when I signed up for a policy through a insurance agent who will bend over backward to help me find the right plan... Can we say none of the health care dot gov plans offer the children hospitals as part of their network? Oh and only one insurance company in the capitalistic DFW marketplace to individuals, offer Children's hospitals.  So here hoping your kid doesn't need surgery if you picked anyone else.   Anyway during that phone call I was told my address had been changed... but then why is mail still going astray!

So I thought today let's cut out the middle man... cause he's out to lunch or asleep at the wheel.. I called BCBS. I explained my problem she said oh look your husband is still on your plan. *sigh* Oh look we don't have your current address. Oh look,  we did sign you ALL up for the plan we picked for you... well at least I can change the address so the bills go to the correct place.   10 minutes later I'm sorry ma'am we have to call health care dot gov... Uh no thank you. Instead I asked if she would be so kind as to pull up the notes (yes I know all the ins and outs of the system!) and type in the following:
Client changed address with health care dot gov in September.
With current address in notes...
Client took her husband off the policy in September.
Client set the current plan to end on 12/31/15
Client is not happy you cancelled the PPO's

She told me to have a nice day... I told her I didn't hold her responsible for incompetent government programs.

How does this build trust with me as a consumer?  I have this feeling of dread that I will get a bill from BCBS for this plan, I did not pick, nor I did sign up for. I will not pay said bill but they will keep sending one to me until health care dot gov gets with the program.   How can it be this poorly managed???  Three months after I have made changes to my application the company is still covering my husband!!! It's a mess for him and prescriptions.

I'd also like to point out BCBS cancelled my plan then moved me to another one which is a HMO, and assigned me a new doctor. All well and good in that I'll be covered if my head is in the sand and I'm not paying attention.  Yet I am paying attention, I don't know this Doctor, yes she is with a group I have visited... yet they are over 50 miles away... Hello incompetent system... how can they even assign me a doctor in my area if they can't change my address. I'd also like to point out I'm not keeping my doctor... I don't get to keep my doctor, I don't even get to keep my government insurance plan.  I like this compilation of "You get keep your doctor:"

The "Polish" Cookie

My Grandma made these cookies and they were always a Christmas treat, eagerly awaited, and consumed immediately if Mom didn't hide them.  They were always called "Polish Cookies" although in my homeschooling journey I have discovered them to be a type of Haman's Hats/Ears... a Jewish cookie.  Now ages past,  I had my moms recipe and somewhere over the years I completely substituted this recipe. Mind you I think I called my Polish Grandma, and she recited it from memory.  It is nowhere near the recipe my dad shared with me as "moms."  Maybe grandma had more than one? Moms recipe certainly is more economical. (Hers contains yeast.)  You can buy Solo canned filling, but I usually only buy the poppy seed (if I can to find it here in TX).  The rest of the fillings are so easy to make and don't contain any high fructose corn syrup. I just whip them up as I need them.

Polish Cookies:

Makes approximately 100-120 small cookies Time 2-3 hours.  

Fillings 

Apricot/ Nut / Prune (bit less water for Prune) 

3/4 cup dried apricots/ nuts / prunes

2 T water

2 T honey (if you have honey that has crystalized, use it.)  

2 T sugar 

Blend until smooth 

See I told you it was easy...

Now I will tell you the apricot cookies get eaten first, then nut, and then prune/poppyseed. I make about 2/3 more apricot ones to balance the scarfing eating. Some family members when queried as to type to send, only asked for apricot this year. 

Dough

1 stick Butter (cold) 

8oz Cream Cheese (full fat) None of this low fat stuff here this is Christmas! 

1 3/4 cups All Purpose Four. 

Powdered Sugar just get out the whole bag... you won't need all of it maybe... 

Creation: Beat the butter and cream cheese together until smooth, add the flour till a soft dough is formed.

DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP---> Place dough in a bowl and cover put in fridge for at least 1 hour.

Preheat oven to 375 F  Take out only 1/4 of the dough, leave the dough in fridge unless working with it. Roll out on a thick layer of powdered sugar. As you roll it out Do Not Skimp on the powdered sugar, on top or under the dough. This dough, once it gets warm gets mushy and is hard to work with (but the cookies! Oh yum, the cookies).  Roll out to 1/8 inch thick and square up the dough. Make as many 1" squares as you can (25-30 is normal, roll it out thin). Dab 1/4 of the teaspoon of filling in the center. Use filling sparingly as it spreads and makes a mess on the pans if you use lavish amounts. 

Pinch opposite corners of the square together and place cookie on greased paper, or a Silpat. Bake for 15-20 minutes Start at 15 if the cookies are not browning cook a wee bit longer, you may need more time if you use a Silpat. 

You can re-roll the edges of the dough if you chill them and are careful but in this house considering the dough contains no yeast, & no raw eggs... little mouths stop by and vacuum up the scraps. 

Which keeps me from eating it. 

Let cool on a wire rack 

Sorry, No finished photo. The kids ate them all. 

Before serving/shipping toss them in MORE powdered sugar. 

You are free to eat! 

My Frugal Christmas Wreath

Well  I love decorating for Christmas and when I was a child someone taught my mom how to make Christmas wreaths. I used to watch, occasionally I even helped her.  I learned how to do it myself.  If you can, you want to wax the string. I can't find my wax... and we don't get horrible winters here so the yarn I have here will work.  This wreath cost me mainly nothing but time. I had all the stuff on hand and I sent my child off to the creek to bring me back an armful of evergreen. Sadly it was cedar so my hands got itchy and my nose ran, but once I was done, I recovered quickly. 

So tools you need you are pictured here: 

Scissors

Wire cutters

Nippers

String

1 wire hanger

An armful of evergreen 

(Ribbon and decorations if you like.) 

I started By cutting off the hook. You can just shape into a circle and keep the hook to hang the wreath with, but since I plan on giving this one away I took the hook off. 

Make a circle with the wire, and use the pliers to twist it together.  

Grab a bundle of evergreen and use a a loop or slip knot, tighten it down without breaking the string. 

Do at least 2 slip knots for every bundle, then wrap well to secure them to the wire frame. 

you can use a bunch of slip knots or just wrap the bundle tightly. 

Overlap the bundles so the string is not visible. 

This is the size bundle I was using, about a handful. 

Too much and it becomes hard to manage to small and you make lots of knots. 

Just keep adding until you get close to the edge. 

Be sure as you get close to finishing, not to trap the original bundle 

The last bundle is more difficult as you have to seat it under and close to the first bundle. 

Looks like I need one more for it to be look right,

 Lets squeeze one more in there. 

This is what the back looks like 

Trim off any areas that are crazy "out there". 

Or are headed in the wrong direction.

I added some left over fabric from a Halloween costume. 

And I'm done. 

Cost to me about 10 cents worth of yarn and one coat hanger 

Time: about 30 minutes. 

Dear Homeschool I'm Tired...

Well in this year of massive transition and horribleness, you know death, moving and shunning add to that moving to a house that is fantastic,  except when it rains more than 1 inch. Then the toilets don't flush... Did I mentions we had 7 inches of rain on Thanksgiving when 9 people were in the house.  It's been difficult fighting feelings of despair have I wasted the last 12 years at GFA, and the whole starting over thing.

But my children's education is tantamount to me.  It's so important to equip them for life. I have one that I can give the guide to and she charges ahead, stops asks for help when she needs it, and brings me the read aloud and the math book when it time to do the teacher lead subjects.  Homeschooling her is so easy.

Then I have the child who drives me to the back yard where I pull out my hair and do a few primal screams before calmly entering the living room declaring her grounded until all school has been caught up.

I'm seriously contemplating putting the iPod in the safe for a year, maybe forever.  She broke our internet rules and lost texting for a month. We still had issues where she was glued to her screen but she was a nicer more positive child that interacted normally with her family.  She got texting back on Monday. Knowing back to school after a holiday is hard, I said she could just do "some school" a few subjects, just do half a day, Honi.  I had a guest here and she and I spent lots of time catching up on our lives. The next day I told Sweet Potato to finish what was left of her school. Circumstances beyond my control caused me to be gone from home from 11-3 On Tuesday. I totally got hosed by this child. She told me she "finished" I trusted her... I was tired from driving for basically 4 hours and I lay down for a short nap that never manifested, the septic guy came by to tell me my back yard is too wet for them to put in the new system. *roll eyes.* You woke me up to tell me your not going to do anything yet???

Wednesday morning I discovered much to my horror, my daring daughter had partially completed only 3 subjects.  So following the therapists advice we sat together and ordered her school subjects one fun, one not so fun, and so on and so forth. She was supposed to be doing this on her own but obviously she was not doing it.  I always find these behavior modification things never work long term with this child.  I keep trying them mainly to prove to the therapist they don't work.  She didn't finish catching up... so Yesterday we sat together and I asked her to order the subjects, fun, not fun. Hey look Child It's your choice you are choosing what and when to do yourself, be the responsible captain of your ship! woo hoo...  Looking at the list last night at first glance it looked like she only had 2 subjects left on the back log... I was wrong she had reordered her list She came in today and asked if she could orally do heath instead of writing them down... Ok I though, but heath was Number 2 yesterday is she on todays work maybe??? Please... HOPE! It sprung a leak a few minutes later when I came out to check on her progress and saw she was not on today's work... really looking hard at the list I see she reordered the list and did all the "fun" subjects yesterday leaving 4 un-fun as back log subjects. Hence the primal screaming in the back yard. 

The last few days she has been stuck in her chair all day "catching up" I have to check on her constantly, if she lacks oversight work grinds to a halt and the application daydream is loaded.  Ugh!  Child you are too old for me to be dictating your life! You resent it, I resent it. It makes me so sad to see her needing this constant pressure from outside to do the right thing.  I really, really, really want her to self start, enjoy her free time, not get distracted.  Yet if we make a schedule together, she does it for 3 weeks or less and abandons it as boring. If we make a magnet check list together for her to move and be happy things are done by herself daily...  2 days into it I'm nagging her to do it and it's not followed either.  Here to is another failed behavior modification program.  At this point in school were still as far behind as we were on Tuesday morning and I will have be chained to her chair to make her catch up. It is not fair to the other people in the house for me to be so completely consumed with one member unless they are in the hospital...  child you are not in the hospital you are strong, smart, and able

I do not understand when she is set up for success, for self-direction, for trust to be built, for me to praise her socks off. She sabotages herself  EVERY SINGLE TIME.  I did this as a child too, I am not without compassion. I had to figure it out, I had to decide to stop being a jerk, to decide to get my act together because I didn't like Mom telling me every single thing to do. Once I figured it out things went better Mom stopped being a pain to me mainly because I stopped being a ornery child.   She has not had that a-Ha moment. *sigh*

I'm tired. There I said it. I'm tired of the constant nagging, I'm tired of how she sabotages herself. I'm tired of "making her" get an education. I'm tired of not exercising because I have to sit with her, I'm tired of the constant supervision of a child that should be learning to drive and developing her independence.  I'm tired of having to Mom Ground her and taking all the fun stuff out of her life. I'm so very tired.

I'm not going to give up on her, I'm just admitting this part of the journey feels like Joy dragging Sadness along behind her in the movie Inside Out.  Maybe the daydreaming Elephant can find a Rocket ship wagon for me to pull her long in.  Oh look she's been in the bath room for at least 20 minutes while I wrote this blog, time to go see if she fell in.