Faith and Fear

So its 1 AM and I can hear Sweet Potato coughing, *sigh* The Vest (huh what is The Vest?? click here) is working, much less coughing but the night time coughing is still interrupting her sleep.  A few days ago she was complaining of stomach aches and My Knight In Shining Armor was worried about Appendicitis (Because it can strike at any time!!!)  He made her do the kick and cough thing. And Sweet Potato's response just reinforced my believe in her "sympathy cough."   She looked at Dad and said "But I can only fake cough right now I don't have any real coughs."  (Ahhh Ha!! I was right! She does cough extra when it gets her extra attention!!! And do you blame her!)

Were still working things out with the insurance company so far Cigna looks to be stepping up and doing the right thing. I hope it continues in that vein. But looking at a piece of equipment that is a huge chunk of change to this missionary family gave me personally a few days of fear! How will The Father pay for it! (no Dad I don't mean you ;-) but thanks for the braces check we appreciate that.) I can see it may clean out our emergency fund and missionary mobile fund. But I don't think we will need to take on debt. Whew!  But then we will have to start all over again rebuilding those, yes yes I know that is what they are there for.

Part of me wishes I was more mature and had less of a fearful reaction to the exorbitant cost.I keep thinking if I was more of a mature christian, this "walking by faith" wouldn't be so scary. Why can't I just look back and see He is gonna be there for us.  I mean He provided in so many ways to pay for Little Miss Sunshine's adoption. And giving credit where it is due Who knew a cartoon about Dogs locked up in the pound click here would cause support to come into our life. By the way Way to Go Mike! on winning all those awards for your animations.   (We'll put it to good use buying medical equipment.) May "Pound Dogs" go on to amuse the men of this world and gross out the ladies for many years to come. *wink*

I sometimes wonder what was the agency thinking "Sweet potato was labeled as "Mild" but parents must be open to unknowns in the future.... then I think What was I thinking!!!  that our family would be fine normal and never have any problems. Life is NOT assured to be happy and fine all the time. People get in car accidents and end up with brain trauma, cancer hits very young children, and even me the child of my parents has learning disabilities that still make me use spell check far more often than your average Joe.

Not picking anything "rough" on that form of how: severely damaged a child are you willing to take. Was more of a self assessment of what we thought we could handle. God knew we had far greater depth.

What I can stand firm on is the fact that God knows Our hearts, Our limits, and He put these children in our lives to raise as best we can.  Ahh well the coughing has awoken her so I'm off to tuck her back in and pray this time she sleeps without coughing herself awake again.

'

The Lung Report

Yes its that time to update you on Little M's Little Lungs.
She had a Dr.s appointment today. Her lungs still sound the same, she is definitely coughing more.
So if you work at the U of R's pediatric pulmonology department... could you please forward My kids records!!!! Dr doesn't want to do a battery of tests over again since she had pile of them when she was 3.

So we wait some more... Grrrrrr....
I feel so Stupid... My knight in shining armor could have harassed them every day for 2 weeks that would have moved the records into my Dr's hands. Ahh well we play the waiting game.

So tomorrow morning I get to try and convince Little M to spit up lung mucus into a cup. We tried the hospital
lab but she just couldn't bring her self to spit. Sigh.. Who know Motherhood involved making your child spit up in front of people.  Isn't my life so super exciting.  So now were gonna try the spit up into a specimen cup in private.   Then as soon as it gets in the cup we have to go go go go deliver it to the lab ASAP so the germs don't die before they can culture them.

At least it is for a good cause. They get to grow it in a petri dish and see if there is a bacteria causing the mucus to form.    Then they will test it because she has notorious bacteria that seems to be resistant to every Antibiotic out there.  Ever wonder if germs are really aliens??  So were back to wait an see... wait for records and getting gunky stuff out of her, wait for culture, wait wait wait... And the Dr doesn't want to wait he thinks there is good chance of reversing her troubles and making her lungs even more stable.  I really like that he is optimistic.

Mean while the Vest thing is not yet billed (its pending) so we still have no idea how much this costing us. *sigh* But if it helps her breath better its worth every penny God is going to give us to pay for it. 


its a busy week with her Little Giant Steps evaluation Doctors visits, and Orthodontia.  Will school get completed? do do do do  doooo do dooo  stay tuned for the next installment of The Lung Report...