Faith and Fear

So its 1 AM and I can hear Sweet Potato coughing, *sigh* The Vest (huh what is The Vest?? click here) is working, much less coughing but the night time coughing is still interrupting her sleep.  A few days ago she was complaining of stomach aches and My Knight In Shining Armor was worried about Appendicitis (Because it can strike at any time!!!)  He made her do the kick and cough thing. And Sweet Potato's response just reinforced my believe in her "sympathy cough."   She looked at Dad and said "But I can only fake cough right now I don't have any real coughs."  (Ahhh Ha!! I was right! She does cough extra when it gets her extra attention!!! And do you blame her!)

Were still working things out with the insurance company so far Cigna looks to be stepping up and doing the right thing. I hope it continues in that vein. But looking at a piece of equipment that is a huge chunk of change to this missionary family gave me personally a few days of fear! How will The Father pay for it! (no Dad I don't mean you ;-) but thanks for the braces check we appreciate that.) I can see it may clean out our emergency fund and missionary mobile fund. But I don't think we will need to take on debt. Whew!  But then we will have to start all over again rebuilding those, yes yes I know that is what they are there for.

Part of me wishes I was more mature and had less of a fearful reaction to the exorbitant cost.I keep thinking if I was more of a mature christian, this "walking by faith" wouldn't be so scary. Why can't I just look back and see He is gonna be there for us.  I mean He provided in so many ways to pay for Little Miss Sunshine's adoption. And giving credit where it is due Who knew a cartoon about Dogs locked up in the pound click here would cause support to come into our life. By the way Way to Go Mike! on winning all those awards for your animations.   (We'll put it to good use buying medical equipment.) May "Pound Dogs" go on to amuse the men of this world and gross out the ladies for many years to come. *wink*

I sometimes wonder what was the agency thinking "Sweet potato was labeled as "Mild" but parents must be open to unknowns in the future.... then I think What was I thinking!!!  that our family would be fine normal and never have any problems. Life is NOT assured to be happy and fine all the time. People get in car accidents and end up with brain trauma, cancer hits very young children, and even me the child of my parents has learning disabilities that still make me use spell check far more often than your average Joe.

Not picking anything "rough" on that form of how: severely damaged a child are you willing to take. Was more of a self assessment of what we thought we could handle. God knew we had far greater depth.

What I can stand firm on is the fact that God knows Our hearts, Our limits, and He put these children in our lives to raise as best we can.  Ahh well the coughing has awoken her so I'm off to tuck her back in and pray this time she sleeps without coughing herself awake again.

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