Thursday, September 6, 2012

Missing My Respite Care Giver.

I hate it when the day ends with me feeling overwhelmed and in tears. Yet again today Sweet Potato pushed her family to the limit, nor would she write her paragraphs in paragraph form. She had no free time for the 2nd day in a row. I know part of it is daddy came home today (and it looks like the flu.)  It's going around the office! Health Tip: people stay home if you are sick.  Since I was doing prep for soup tomorrow I told him he was dead meat if he came within 10 feet of the kitchen. He was so wiped out he didn't want to move anyway. I think I could have locked him in the bedroom and he wouldn't have even noticed.

Even tho Daddy has stopped rescuing her from Mean Ol' Mommy. The "I'll be horrible to Mom, then Daddy will come in and say Mom is over reacting." foundation has been laid. Can we say Triangulation.  Folks don't lay this foundation it's not a stable building surface.  Both girls had a horrible time in math, even tho I was coaching them through the steps they both struggled with different issues. Odd thing is Sweet Potato can do this stuff and loves multiplication.

I know exactly what she is doing, probably 30 times she put pencil to paper and didn't write down what she had just figured out.  Instead she played the where else can I put it game. You can watch it on her face, the ah ha! Moment when she figures out the answer. The put pencil down in proper place to write it... then the war begins.  Sometimes I think I can see the good angel and the bad angel sitting on her shoulders, Good angel is urging her to do it right, while the bad angel  is urging her to do it wrong.  I feel like Luke Skywalker "Their is good in her I can feel it!" But purposely getting it wrong on a subject you excel at?? I'm at a loss...  Once is confusion, Twice is understandable, 5 times after mom has modeled the problem, it is already done on the paper in front of you, and all you have to do is copy as I go over the steps again... and again...and again...and again...and again...  I don't know what that is... what is that? annoying? manipulative? rebelliousness? total shut down of brain function and in flight fight or freeze mode? I know... it is new stuff. I know she needs lots of coaching on new stuff. This got above and beyond the average confusion. I think it's cause I forgot the rewards I bet if  I had brought out those peanut butter cups it would have been another story!

She did a distracted narration for the 5 sentence summery. Kept going on and on and on about the pig that died. (oh Man that isn't a trigger nooooooo).   So just as an exercise in getting into the child's brain I asked her what she thought about while I was (dramatically) reading story time today.
Here is the list:
The movie Soul Surfer.
Her friend E.
Her friend A.
Her bunk bed,
Who we are having dinner with on Monday.
And the story.
Oh my... not focused. Not focused at all.  Any advice???

Usually how I handle this in the past is just assign her the reading and oral narration as written. I'm reluctant to do this this year, because it disrupts school and makes the already eternal day go longer.  Setting the timer worked for the younger one. Once she knew she only had x amount of time It all got accomplished.  Not so much for Sweet potato, ahh time to take it to the Lord again and be widow like and pound on his gate till he gives me justice.

While she was helping me get dinner on the table, She just blandly mentioned in conversation that she had decided to make bad choices today.  I had been asking what triggered this awful, horrible, no good, very bad day. Well smack me with a rubber chicken and call me a fool!  She just decide too! Wow Revelation!

Earlier I had a laugh out loud "Do you really think I'm gonna buy what you are selling" moment. She told me the reason she wouldn't do science with her sister was because. "I don't feel safe around Chinese people." Trying to get me to buy into I'm not safe and it's her fault. The things our kids come up with to shift blame. That banging you hear is my head pounding the wall.   Happily daddy was home and 10 minutes of not explaining anything to him as to what would make it better, or why she is struggling. She comes out and happily runs to do Science??? I felt like Jimmy Carter right after Regan got elected. Suddenly the hostages are freed... No really no that's not personal...  ok ok I'll try not to take it personally. I can say this now cause I've had a good cry.

And some blogger on stroller derby today wrote a blog about how motherhood is such an easy job and we Mothers need to stop whining... I loved Stark Raving Mad Mommy Response.

Now lets all be kind and understand Jessica has only been a mom for a short period.  She hasn't yet experienced 3-4 years of sleep deprivation, night terrors, or the Polly Pocket shoe up the nose resulting in an ER visit on Christmas Eve episodes yet.  Nor has she felt the unspeakable sadness of those words "I hate you" being screamed at her. I feel in 5-6 years she is gonna be writing a completely different take. Unless of course she only has one child and said child is "compliant." Eeeeeep then there will be no living with her! 

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