Looking Back to Move Forward.

This weeks TBRI homework was watching an awesome DVD on attachment. As per usual it's another fantastic video on how we can help ourselves, help our children.  Sadly it involves looking inward and sorting through your junk history.   I took heart when the author of The Whole Brained Child talked about how when we choose to process our memories step back and really examine them. As opposed to wallowing in them. 

When we process our "stuff, baggage, history" we actually change the nuro pathways in our brain! I wonder if that is why after a while if we deal with our grief the grief becomes less.  For example, when my grandma died last October if I thought about her I would burst into tears. This went on for weeks, but I blogged, I talked to my friends, I remembered her with my family. All those activities allowed me to identify my feelings in a healthy way, with people who I trusted and loved.  Each time I walked through that grief it got less raw, less painful, less overwhelming.  I bet that was the incredible amazing brain God gave me pruning and messing with my nuro pathways to move me from grief to acceptance.

These last few weeks I've been able to really look back at my attachment style, sort through my history and see wow I don't think I have ever really dealt with "not putting away the hose".  I can see I have horrible guilt buried deep down I have not processed. Just so you know "not putting away that hose" sent some one to the hospital and plastic surgery was needed. I know I have been granted forgiveness for that act, but I never put in the work to process it. Just thinking about it brings so much emotion to the surface. I realize I need to process this, think about it rationally pick it a part and remind myself. I am forgiven and I have been forgiven for a very long time. Knowing that each time I go through that memory those feelings that the horribleness will start to dissipate and I can truly own that forgiveness that was granted. Just think; writing this blog helped me prune a few of those raw synapses that I need to process through.

Its never fun to dig down and examine ourselves in fact Karyn Purvis and David Cross both said this is hard work, It's not going to be fun, but it will make you a better parent, it will release things inside of you that is holding you back from a great relationship with your child and people around you.