So in typical GFA male dominated mentality, I get an email Thursday night sent to my inbox but addressed to my husband. In a sorrowful tone we are asked (by the groom not leadership directly) to not attend Saturdays wedding because we would be a distraction. And by the way your wife and kids shouldn't come either... Yet this email was sent to the unnamed Wife's email account. Anyone else see the irony in this? An email sent to the wife account but not even addressing her by name shows so much about the mentality women lived with within GFA.
There is that buzz word "distraction" read "not sanctioned" by GFA. What precipitated this piece of discourtesy? Well this article from Christianity Today where my husband is gentle in his "critique" of the ministry, and what precipitated our leaving. In my blog here I mention it feels like a divorce. This is what happens in divorce. Here we aren't allowed to show love to the happy couple because of human immaturity. I guess "Can't we all be adults about this?" doesn't apply here because my husband decided to stand up and be counted.
I am reminded of the quote "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. Edmund Burke (I'm not saying GFA is evil, but there is something wrong and it needs to be addressed).
I'm trying to wrap my mind around how much we didn't know, how much my pride was wrapped up in the fruit on the field, of the 100% goes to the field designations.
Throckmorton asked the question in May/ June? (when I was studiously behaving and obeying leadership and not reading him). How were people within the ministry taking the news of smurfing and the 19.8 million gift. Well I blogged at the time but didn't make it available to the public. Here is that post The time of silence is over. These are my feelings and emotions, of how I was reacting. This is my journey, it was so hard because I Love leadership, I truly care for them. But can no longer live with my choice to follow. My eyes were opened and they could not be shut again. Our family's therapist took time with me Friday to discuss this bittersweet emotion of being disinvited. I have to live day in and day out with my choices. If I can't love myself because of shame in my choices I have no one but me to blame. I cannot control the choices of others.
I spent a lot of time alone during the last few weeks at the ministry masking my feelings mainly because I saw those that didn't hide get "publicly shamed." I was so grateful to The Lord for my knight to be essentially courted and handed a job on a platter. Many times The Lord has to be amazingly obvious to me. My heart was so entrenched and that dug out the last root.