Saturday, October 10, 2015

Let the shunning commence! (tongue in cheek)

So in typical GFA male dominated mentality, I get an email Thursday night sent to my inbox but addressed to my husband. In a sorrowful tone we are asked (by the groom not leadership directly) to not attend Saturdays wedding because we would be a distraction.  And by the way your wife and kids shouldn't come either... Yet this email was sent to the unnamed Wife's email account. Anyone else see the irony in this? An email sent to the wife account but not even addressing her by name shows so much about the mentality women lived with within GFA.

There is that buzz word "distraction" read "not sanctioned" by GFA. What precipitated this piece of discourtesy? Well this article from Christianity Today where my husband is gentle in his "critique" of the ministry, and what precipitated our leaving.  In my blog here I mention it feels like a divorce.   This is what happens in divorce. Here we aren't allowed to show love to the happy couple because of human immaturity.  I guess "Can't we all be adults about this?" doesn't apply here because my husband decided to stand up and be counted.

I am reminded of the quote "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. Edmund Burke (I'm not saying GFA is evil, but there is something wrong and it needs to be addressed).

I'm trying to wrap my mind around how much we didn't know, how much my pride was wrapped up in the fruit on the field, of the 100% goes to the field designations.

Throckmorton asked the question in May/ June? (when I was studiously behaving and obeying leadership and not reading him).  How were people within the ministry taking the news of smurfing and the 19.8 million gift.  Well I blogged at the time but didn't make it available to the public.  Here is that post The time of silence is over.  These are my feelings and emotions, of how I was reacting. This is my journey, it was so hard because I Love leadership, I truly care for them. But can no longer live with my choice to follow. My eyes were opened and they could not be shut again.  Our family's therapist took time with me Friday to discuss this bittersweet emotion of being disinvited.  I have to live day in and day out with my choices. If I can't love myself because of shame in my choices I have no one but me to blame. I cannot control the choices of others.

I spent a lot of time alone during the last few weeks at the ministry masking my feelings mainly because I saw those that didn't hide get "publicly shamed." I was so grateful to The Lord for my knight to be essentially courted and handed a job on a platter. Many times The Lord has to be amazingly obvious to me. My heart was so entrenched and that dug out the last root.
I can see why leadership always tosses out exstaff are bitter. As I talked to the therapist she pointed out this action was extremely painful. It will hurt. The beauty of our lives as humanity is that we can feel the hurt, sad for staff, and have compassion on everyone in this mess all at the same time. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. We can endure great pain and be compassionate in the midst of it all.  This is the great love extended to us from God.


  1. I'm so sorry for the dis-invitation. When we left our former denomination, many of our friends stopped inviting us to dinners, etc. It sure hurt but we rested in the fact we were finally FREE! Free to listen to God and live by being guided by the Holy Spirit, not man made rules and legalism. Hang in there.

  2. This all grieves me so much. On a lighter note (as an escape from the heaviness) you have an awesome green thumb. We are enjoying the fruit of your labors with your tomato plant. It is being incredibly and deliciously productive. Our plants that we spent so much $$ on produced a 3" cucumber and a couple of tiny zucchini-miscarriages, while your plant which has been largely ignored all summer, is covered with tomatoes. Where is the justice? Anyway, even though I have not communicated with you, please know that you and your family have been and continue to be in my prayers during this difficult season.

    1. Oh that so funny, the only reason I planted that tomato plant was to keep the black spot off the Little Miss Sunshine's rose bush. I'm so glad you are enjoying them.

  3. See

    Note that this is non-denominational, and applies to all belief systems. It's a set of common danger signs, found over and over again. A pattern.

    Now please continue to try to do what is right, to be kind, and you can't go very far wrong.

  4. I am really, really sorry to read this. I was at the wedding yesterday and there were a number of former staff members there, so I guess I didn't think anyone had been "dis-invited." For what it's worth, if it had been my wedding, nobody would have been disinvited.

    I feel generally lousy about how little I've been in contact with folks who have left; I guarantee you it's because I'm bad at staying in contact, not because of any ideas of shunning or the like. All these issues that have come up are most emphatically NOT an "us-versus-them" thing, and so we have to fight the urge to simplify them in our own minds by reducing them to that. (Now I know that there are a lot of people who do think of it like that, and talk about it like that. What I'm saying is it's not right.)

    Also for what it's worth, I read the CT article, and I think Tom's concerns (at least the ones quoted) have merit. Please know that this whole thing is difficult for us who are still here at GFA. We don't want to just turn a blind eye to problems, but we're still here. Kind of like marriage, I guess.

    In the end, I would love more than anything to see all the problems resolved and parties reconciled.

  5. I understand where you are coming from have you read this blog post of mine?